Ganju

It has been a week and it still makes me sad that Ganju is gone. I DID find a home for him! Yeahhhhhhh!! I am glad about that, but sad I had to let him go. After having him a touch over a week, I REALLY grew fond of him. Okay....I loved him. I LOVED GANJU! When we found him he was so scrawny you could see his bones. When he left us, he had put on weight and had really just blossomed into a sweet big bundle of Ganju. When giving him to his new owners I cried and cried.

You could say I am overly sensitive, a boo baby, a big kid... you name it but I bawled. Thankfully the new owners gave me their number and I was able to check on him. It has taken everything I have not to call them six times a day and ask them to hold the phone to his ear. I haven't done that, but boy do I want to.

Ladies and gentleman do I have a find for you!

This dog literally found me!! I went to my dads and opened the car door and as I moved my feet to get out of the car he hopped in. It took me and my dad close to 30 minutes to get him out and then he just didn’t want to go anywhere. We went inside and he stayed outside until I came back out again. He stayed and he stayed and I HAD to feed him. Here it is Monday, and he is till at my dad’s house for a short time and I REALLY need to find him a home. He is part pit, seems afraid of men, is aggressive to anyone who looks like they are in my space but does not seem aggressive with his food or toys. He knows how to sit, he heels AND he rides GREAT in the car.



I had him de-wormed, had him get shots including rabies, he has his own bed, harness and leash, and again is really cute!



I do not feel this dog should be around kids or in any hm where there are mean dogs.



I have named him Ganju but he can be renamed if in the right home….SOOOOOO whatya say? Also please forward this to any folks you know.



Thanks,
April

Oh what a relief it is…..

I met with Tony Monday and guess what? NO tears! HOORAH!!! I had lost weight and he said good job!! YEAH!! Gosh that feels good.

I was sure I was going to walk right into our meeting and quit. Not because of the meeting, mainly because I have just not been getting it. BUT, not one minute before I said the words, Jenny text me and said “please don’t quit.” WOW, how “just in the nick of time” was that? I would have to say pretty darn “nick of time”….ish.

Well, I didn’t quit, I didn’t get yelled at and I went to work. This week has been a pretty darn good week. My foot still hurts, my hubby is still job hunting, I have added high blood pressure to the list, but you know what has been good about it? For all of the issues and all of my anxieties, I have actually been in a pretty darn good mood. Relatively speaking of course!

I think the reason is do to the chillins I am watching this week. They are SUPER, smart, funny, well behaved kids. How can you really be sad around them? I mean seriously? These kids ask how you have been, they ask if you slept okay, they make up funny stories, they laugh, they say thank you, they do their homework, they go to bed on time, they forgo TV to do their homework, they eat what you fix, and the list goes on. I mean they are really good kids. The best part is the smiling and the fun. They joke, they dance, they say things in made up voices and guess what? I get to do that too!!

I have to say I am pretty lucky this week. Oh next week we can get into why I need to be more positive, and I need to hang in there and all of the usual talk about getting my boohonkus in gear, but for now, I am going to be happy being happy and I am going to enjoy the kids and learn from their happy- go- lucky innocence!!

Clarification!

Boot camp is not bad. The awesome chickadees I roll with are just that...Awesome! The exercise is fun and different. The weight loss is a great move toward my health. It is the contest I am not digging. It is my own negative attitude I am trying to throw out the window, it is me allowing things I cannot change to make me have a constant pout!!It is the pressure I am building in my own bones that is making me cranky.

By gosh I am fun, silly, goofy and gosh darnit...a generally happy person. I am coming back!!

I pledge now and forevor more to be positive again! Yeah!

Boy did I hit a wrong note!

I feel like a child who has been scolded in front of the class. I have my head down and am just waiting for my mamma to pick me up and then she finds out!! LOL Just kidding! But seriously....You ladies don't play around!!

Yes, I have been down in the dumps. I have been, dare I say…cranky. I have even been self pitying. I got it! I know it, and I am gonna pull through like a champ with a big fat smile and a rainbow at the end! I am totally gonna do that!

I was just letting my support group know, I wasn’t doing what I said I would. It rankles to have to tell the truth, it is not fun admitting when you screw up….BUT, I didn’t want to hide it either. I for sure am a little (okay a lot) on the downside, but it is all gonna be fine.

That is where my perspective comes in. That is where knowing I am supported and loved comes in (all of you). That is where Paxil comes in!!! Your words of advice…all of them, have been super fantastic. Thank you for offering them and thanks for kicking my butt! I really am not gonna break!! I know right now it seems like I am a loose cannon and perhaps I feel that way too, but there is no way it won’t get better!

All of you rock except for Elizabeth who turned me on to a new Greek restaurant by work….They have a spicy feta dip that is out of this world! Taunting me with cheese is just wrong!! Bad Elizabeth!

It is called "big fat ball of whiny pants."

In case any of you are unfamiliar with this term, it means a person, who when asked how they are, always actually answers with a long laundry list of issues that really no one wants to hear. That my friends, is currently the title I am now holding. For instance, if you asked me how I was, I would tell you my pants are to tight, my back is aching, my boohonkus is shaking from the left to the right. I would tell you my bunions were acting up, my frog died and that I have had bad hair days all week.

Okay so not quite that but enough to where even I think I am annoying!! I mean I may have been annoying to some of you for a long time anyway, but this annoyance is annoying me.

I need to get my positive pants out!!

My Own Update

I badgered you guys. I sent email after email saying “look what I can do”. I said I can do it. Ladies and gent, I am not so sure I can. I did GREAT during the contest for the radio station. I did great when my cousin and I took a little challenge with him (boot camp) for two months a jillion years ago. I DID do well.

This time…not so much. Tony may make me cry, this contest may not be what I thought it was going to be (for reasons I will get into later) but he was right when he said he thought I would jump into this contest with both feet and hit the ground running. He did think that…so did I (well originally).

Heck, I badgered the stew out of him to be in the contest. I bugged my boss about it, to the point he just wanted me to hush I think!

In the time I did all this, I gathered up a big batch of depression, had multitudes of tests for post gallbladder surgery (icky belly but have good medicine), helped my dad clean out a 5000sq foot house, quit going to dodge-ball, my hubby lost his job, I hurt my foot, etc. Oh there is more but that would only show you more of my character flaws!!

Anyway, STUFF! STUFF that happens to every single one of us. STUFF, that really should be irrelevant in the scheme of things. No, Cliff’s job is not irrelevant, but how I handle it along with anything is really the issue.

Actually, for some reason, that is one thing I seem to have calmness about. It just feels like it will be okay.

Anyway, back to the point of this hugely rambling email…..I don’t like boot camp. I actually kinda hate it. I feel pressured but not in a good way, I feel disappointed in myself for myself and for what I am showing you guys, I feel frustrated that the contest is not what I thought it would be, I am mad at myself for letting things get to me, I don’t like being compared to my cousin (who has done a FANTABULOUS JOB) but I am compared just the same.

I don’t know what I am going to do and I needed you to know that. OH I TOTALLY know if I quit, you guys get your mula back. Really as it stands, you really deserve it back anyway. I have not held up my end of the bargain. Anyway, please know I know. I am working on things and trying to put a number of things into perspective. Anyway, I just want you to know I know.

Thank you for you support. I have not lived up to it, but I thank you none the less! You guys do rock even if I happen to be stubborn as a rock, or should have rocks thrown at me…or something like that, you get the picture right?

It was just four tiny pieces....

I just ate some caramels. By boss, who sponsored me, said he was going to email Tony and tattle on me. Tattle on me…… Can you believe it? I begged him not to. All I have done is cry every time I have had to meet with Tony. I have truly been dreading class and each meeting I have with him. THEN I go and eat caramel and I can just hear what he would say to that. My boss pulling the sponsor card did not help!  He thinks it is sooooooo funny! I of course begged, but you never know what he will do. I mean, I write my stuff down, even the pc of caramel, but the thought that I might get another chewing from Tony makes me want to run and hide in a small place.

Oh I know I can’t! I have to lose weight first to fit into a small place!! So I am trying to tell my boss why I cried. He would have none of it. You see…he too is a military man. He said for me to quit crying and then added the word maggot to the end. At that point, I stuck my fingers in my ears, stuck out my tongue and started humming something….anything….so I did not have to listen! Oh that is okay……I’ve got him…..I have peanuted his office and car. Posted noted his whole office, put fake eyeballs and flowers in the skulls he has in his office (for work)…..I am sure I can think of something else! Oh there was also the time; I stuck some irreverent bumper stickers on the back of his car. Although that one backfired, I couldn’t get them out and he said he had to take it to the shop. In reality, he used some of his surgical tools and got it out, but not until after he had me booing like a baby!!

So anyway, I am telling on myself. I ate some caramel. THE END!

Does anyone have cheese to go with my whine?

This weekend started out great! I slept in, saw my friends little girl win the championship for her age group in a volleyball tournament, went to a kick bootay Halloween party, spent time with a girlfriend and lollygagged most of the rest of the weekend. That part was great.

The bad part was having my car go kaput! $1200 DOLLARS WORTH OF KAPUT! UGH!

My tires were dry rotting, my valve gasket thingy and some other dooojamhicky, not to mention an oil change, front end alignment and something about my first born child was involved.

Are you kidding me? I offered to work for them cleaning, pulling weeds, and mopping up oil. I am pretty sure they thought I was kidding, but I can say definitely for sure I was not.

YEP! I am officially a basket case. I have been working my way there all year. Didn’t I say a few blogs ago I was going to make a decision to make myself happy? I was just gonna do it and not dwell? Does anyone know how I was gonna do that? The “how to” has escaped yet again. The “how to” is a slippery little fella. He gets really close to you then in a blink of an eye he darts off in another direction! The little booger!

Cognitive evaluation theory

The most detailed explanation for the overjustification effect is cognitive evaluation theory. This theory proposes that tangible rewards (like money) are perceived as controlling or coercive, and act to decrease perceived self-determination and undermine intrinsic motivation. Because unexpected tangible rewards do not motivate behavior during a task, they are less likely to be perceived as controlling, and thus less likely to undermine intrinsic motivation. Informational rewards (like praise) increase perceived self-determination and feelings of competence, and consequently tend to enhance intrinsic motivation.I am just saying......

One day closer.....

So I met a new peep last night. Well, I didn’t meet her last night, but I did get to speak with her a good bit. And guess what? She is the enemy. That is right…I said it….I am consorting with the enemy!! She is one of the other contestants who just happens to be kicking my boohonkus. So why hang out with her you may ask? Well…uhhhmmm…she is kinda, nice and funny and…Okay so she is not really the enemy! She is just a cool chick who is going through the same process I am to lose weight. Well, her process I believe is working better because she has actually lost weight!! Yeah!!

My point is just that some of the folks who are doing this are supper cool people. She isn’t the only one I have met and while she rocks, it seems like most of them do. Who knew? I mean I didn’t expect people to be just hateful, but it is a competition and that can make for heated exchanges at some point. Well at least I think that is how it works sometimes. So far the only heated exchanges I have had are with Tony.

“Like as in I am gonna put you in a headlock you big whiny turd!” Of course that was Tony. We all know how quiet and genteel I am! I would never have an attitude, raise my voice or take issue with anything someone else said! I of course merely smiled and said “as you wish.”

Okay, so maybe that isn’t exactly how things have gone down but trust me when I say I am STRUGGLING with this whole thing. But, today is another day! And tomorrow is one more day after that!

See here is the thing.....

There is so much I want to write here. Why don't I? Well er uhh cuz people use these musings for evil that is why. You? NO! not you, but people. My space, facebook....all of them can be used to catch criminals. Employers look at them to see what they can about possible future employees. Mean girls use them to be mean to other girls. I think even a wife or two has used it to get back at their none to faithful husband. You name it.....I am SURE someone has thought of or tried using blogs, etc. for not so helpful reasons.

My point is, that writing is therapeutic for me. I like to babble. I tell all my business, that is just what I do. I don't mean to really, but I do it. I am having to restrain myself here and keep from getting all up in my private life. You all read about my weight struggles. Many of you know my personal battles. But I want so much to write about work, home, fun etc. You may or may not want to read it, but I still have the urge to do so.

What stops me? Well, a lot of my "issues" as I like to call them involve others. Sometimes it is something small and really insignificant. Sometimes it is the "elephant in the room" issue, but all of them generally have a smidgen of info about somebody else. I do not want to get the beat down from any of you.

I personally feel that we all go through much of the same things and commiserating with others can really help, but to do so in this arena would just be asking to for a smackdown.

Anybody feel like a fight?

Naw, just kidding.....trying to get my "fussies" out today in a no name calling, non specific, avoiding the issues way today!!

Clarification!

I want all of you to know I am thankful to all of you! Just like the fist time, I couldn't do it without any of you! I may be treading water right now, but I will get there. I may not always like something I hear, or even how some people push, but I do now what I am here for and why and you are all to thank for supporting me!

Thanks Lisa!

Do any of you know how good it feels to have someone support you? Not just people you know. People you don't really know. People you just met. People who are working on themselves while supporting a friend? It feels good! It feels good to have the support of friends and family and then new friends! Falling behind does NOT feel good. Being behind because of your own decisions feels worse. Then BAM! It only takes a second to get a new handle on things when you are encouraged! I am encouraged by many but for this blog, today.....here's to you Lisa and for your unexpected encouragement! Thank you for your support!

My act is gonna get better.....

Ladies and gents,

I just have to be honest. I have NOT been into this contest. If there was something I could say to justify that I would. About the only thing I can say is that it hasn’t just been boot camp. I have not been into dodgeball, work, my eating habits, my friends, and the list goes on. What is it? Why? Yeah yeah…I have thought of everything from depression, to anxiety, to sheer exhaustion. Could be a little of one, all of one, or some of all three. It could merely be that the polarity of the earth has shifted in some way that has aligned my Chakra’s in a disorganized pattern. The simple fact is, I have just not had my act together. Sure there has been stuff going on. Who doesn’t have stuff going on? Right now, this second, I am having tummy problems…AGAIN. Yeah yeah I KNOW. I AM going to the doctor and have seen a doctor. YES, it could be how I eat, or a bug, or perhaps I was stolen by aliens who probed me in a none to gently fashion and then just left me back here on earth to suffer.

I am just meaning to say that we all have “stuff.” And believe it or not, no matter how bad your “stuff” is, someone else is having “stuff” too. Maybe even worse. What can I do about it? I know what I can do. ME! I Know what ME, MYSELF, and I can do…..I can get it together. I can make a conscience decision to just get it together. Why can’t I do that?

Should I continue to wallow? Should I focus on pain, negativity and upset? OR…OR, can I wake up and decide to have a good day. Can I go through my day and TRY just try to enjoy it. Can I get to the end of the day, when it is time for sleepygonightnight and pray that I am able to NOT worry about things I cannot change and then wake up the next morning to change the things I can?

Today I decided that is exactly what I can do. That is what I WILL do.

PS

I also jogged a whole mile yesterday without stopping. Okay, actually calling it jogging may be a tad on the exaggerated side. I mean I didn't walk (at first), and I wasn't walking fast like the people at the mall with their hands swinging to and fro. I did however sorta shufflejogg. Is that a word? YES, that is what I did.

Shufflejogging is akin to what street cleaners do. WHAT? Street cleaners. Ya know... they are those big machines that make a lot of noise that drive on the outside lane picking up ick off the ground? It is like that. You see they don't go fast and really look as if they are barely moving at all, yet soon enough they have made it from point A to point B. They are kinda loud, as was my constant wheeze, and since I am slow, just like they are, I had to remand myself to the outside lane on the track. There was some ick, but that mainly came from my profuse sweating. All in all I would say it is an apt description. Fast? NO, accomplished something? YES!

Why is it always cheese?

So I got reprimanded last week. BIG TIME. This week, so far, I have been to training everyday. My eating habits are better (I am eating fish right now), but I think I have a way to go with that still. I think I was eating in relative moderation until yesterday when Allen brought a cheese ball. A CHEESE BALL!!! You have got to be kidding me! Okay and maybe some beer. Anyway, long story short…cheese ball good, my tummy hurt bad!

In the meantime, I have had emails and comments from some of my benefactors telling me to GET WITH IT!! You do know it was a cheese ball right?

Anyway, just a quick note to let everyone know this week is going along better. Aside from three workouts so far I have dodgeball tonight which is more exercise and I should be going to Boot Camp Thursday and Friday as well, so I AM picking up momentum!

Say what?

April,

I am NOT happy.

You BEGGED me to let you into this contest ... right? But your progress isn't much to get excited about.
I'm serious about you being successful and I'm assuming that you are too, right? Or am I more serious about you being successful than you are?
I want you at BOOT CAMP no less than 4 times next week! And when you do your cardio, I want you to WORK YOUR ASS OFF! You can walk and stroll at the mall.
We need to meet ASAP. I'll meet you at 5 at the church this afternoon. Email me to confirm.

Tony

So....if any of you think I am not being called on the carpet for being a slacker than think again. I met with Tony at 5 on Friday and the tone of that meeting was the same if not more scary than the email. No I don't mean scary like I thought he was going to shave my head, put me in the "hole" and not let me out until I was hungry, broken and ready to tell all of my secrets and yours the second he let me out. But it was scary/stern enough that I had to remind myself I am an adult, I am not in grade school and about to lose my recess for the week. I had to remind myself that I am an adult and I am not waiting for my mom to pick me up from school all the while knowing when she gets there, the teacher is gonna tell her why I lost my recess.

Let me just say, I could definetely see the "Marine" that day. But you know, while his demeanor Friday took me aback, it was not unwarranted. That is what I paid for. That is what YOU paid for.

I may be a whiner and I am for sure a cryer, but I am not a quitter.

So let me end this for now....I need to start running!

Slacker

I have been slacking on my blogs for quite some time now. It appears that I am slacking in many areas these days but I hope to change that soon. I made the new contest. Did I tell you guys that? I did. It is called Combat the Fat 2008. And…..and…..I have some really good peeps supporting me in this. Not just mentally, but financially as well. This was not a cheap endeavor. I say that, but overall it will be well worth it. I have six months to learn better habits and to get in shape. This is my second week and so far I have not been all fired up and gung ho and ready to go just yet. I will be though, just give me a few more days. Wow! Listen to me already putting things off or making excuses….

Actually, I was on vacation last week but had to help my pappy with some things so I was kinda off kilter. This week, I am back to work, and I went to work out Monday and have not been back.

Today is Thursday and I have to PU one of the chillins I am keeping until Sunday when the parents come home. I am going to class tonight, but this week, as last, I will have made my obligatory three visits ONLY. NOT good. Well, it fits the bill, I am not breaking any rules, but I am also not gonna lose this big ole butt with any quickness by just playing it safe. I BEGGED to be in this competition so know I just have to get off my boohonkus and do it!!

By the way the folks I have listed to the left with my picture are the folks that helped financially so I could do this! Just wanted to say thanks!

Me again? YEP!!!

This is what I got about the contest (see below….no further below FIRST).

Can some of you guys please sponsor me? Long distance or not I promise not to let you down. PLEASE PLEASE? J He wants emails so he can send updates to all of you to tell you if I am not holding to my end of the bargain or if I am doing what I said and literally working my tail off. The difference between ( | ) and (|) !!!!!

I am gonna kick boootay no matter what! Your support monetarily will be helpful BUT if that is not possible (which I FOR SURE understand), your goodwill will mean more than you can imagine!! Last time you guys kept me from giving up. There is no voting or things like that. I plan to continue my blog to help ME keep going and give you all something to laugh about! Yeah so I think I am funny......!!!

The money is so that peeps will feel I am an investment and keep pushing me! PLUS and I say PLUS, with me knowing you are investing in ME, the process becomes more than a life change and a competition, it becomes an opportunity for you to get a return on your investment. You get your money back and with me being healthier you get to keep me around longer!! Hahahaahahhahahahah LOLOL Yes, I know….. Someone just shot their drink through their nose over that one, but you get what I mean!! Actually, for those of you with no $$ on the list….that just means you get to kick my boohonkus for free!!

Again, in NO WAY do you have to give mula. I am putting it on the line for six months to get myself in shape for the long term and I feel lucky to have friends and family to even be able to email this to!

P.S. I think he still has spaces for any of you who want to try it!! We CAN do it together!

Thanks again, Ape


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: TonyLudlow
Sent: Thursday, August 21, 2008 11:14 AM
To: TonyLudlow@aol.com
Subject: Sgt. Tony's $5,000 Combat the Fat Weight Loss Challenge!



Greetings All,

This is the first official email sent to the contestants of the Second Combat the Fat Challenge!

You've been chosen!

Congratulations!!!

I have HUGE expectations for you!

We will officially begin the challenge at our mandatory Kick Off Celebration on September 6 at 11 AM at Jason's Deli, Highland and Poplar (behind Perkins). We will be meeting in our own conference room at Jason's where we'll also conduct your initial weigh in.

On that morning, come in your regular street clothes, but bring shorts and a t-shirt to change into for the weigh in. Also bring your very own scales. We will weigh you using both my scales and yours at the same time. After you weigh in, you'll have your picture taken.

After you've had your picture taken you may change back into your street clothes and go through the line at Jason's and get your lunch, if you'd like. Lunch is on me, so when you get to the register just tell the clerk that you're with the Boot Camp group in the conference room.

You are encouraged to bring your spouse (their lunch is also provided) or significant support person(s). No children, please.

During the meeting the details of the contest will be gone over again and you'll be asked to sign a contract agreeing to the terms of the contest.

In addition to the information that I'll give you during the meeting, there will be lectures presented by Eric Flanders, owner of Fleet Feet Sports dealing with proper footwear. Mary Read, a registered dietician and nutritionist, will speak to you regarding your approach to eating. We will also have a panel discussion made up of Boot Campers and members of the First Challenge. You'll have opportunity to ask them questions or to speak with them afterwards.

The meeting will take about 2 hours.

Between now and our Kick Off, you will need to:

1) Get a clearance letter from your physician clearing you to participate in the program. This may or may not require you to get a physical. I must have a current clearance letter on file for you to participate.

2) Your entry fee of $1,000 is due on September 6.

3) At least half of your entry fee must come from a minimum of 5 sponsors. You can have more than 5 sponsors and they can contribute up to $700 of your $1000 entry fee. You must have a minimum of $300 of your own money invested. Checks should be made out to Tony Ludlow or USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP. Either one is fine. Bring a list of your sponsors and the amount of their "investment in you" to that meeting.

** A word about WHO should be your sponsors: ANYONE who will hold your feet to the fire and keep you accountable is perfect. Your sweet lil' granny who has always rewarded you with brownies and milk shakes and thinks you do no wrong is NOT suitable. Sorry. Granny won't kick your butt. I need your sponsors to butt kickin' nazis! Local is better than long distance. People you see regularly.

** Tell your prospective sponsors that they are investing in you and your FUTURE! Use the word "investment" in soliciting them for support. It's the word that really and truly fits!

4) Email me the list of your sponsors with their names AND their email addresses, on or before September 6. The list should be in a format that I can copy and paste from, so that I can easily add their email addresses to my email address book. So no PDF files.

5) Come to the meeting prepared to change your life!!

Let me know if you have any further questions. I'll be in touch!

Again, CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Sergeant Tony

Sergeant Major Tony Ludlow
USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP, Commanding
5358 Denwood
Memphis, TN 38120
901-644-0145

www.usmcfitnessbootcamp.com

www.shaklee.net/tonyludlow/main

I have tried to start this a few times and decided to steal from my own blog (see previous blog). During the last contest, for which most of you are familiar, I had to blog everyday. I think it really helps when you feel the need to vent or when trying to hold yourself accountable for things. Seeing some of your thoughts in writing ya know?

So I took a little hiatus from my musings (blogs). Well I DID muse, but I mused to myself. Sometimes it is better to muse to ones self than to muse out in the open where everyone can see you muse, hear you muse, or be all up in your muse.

Well, I am back. I am back for another season of "where is my cheese." I am going to try and participate in another contest ($5000 to the winner) having to do with hard work, dedication and food that tastes like cardboard. Oh I CAN do it....my question is whether giving up cheese and beer for a second time will actually cause me to have a mild case of Tourette’s! But, being that I am a chunky dunk, the removal of these items is the only viable option.

It begins in September. It is for six months and this time it is outside. OUTSIDE!! In the rain, in the heat, in the cold. They say “beauty is pain” and I can honestly say I hope to be in agony. I actually have not even been offered a position in the contest yet so please keep your fingers crossed. I should know by August 4th.

There will be no voting, no radio show to post videos, and no hearing me say goobersmooch things on the air. It will just be good old fashion wheezing and Ibuprofen by the bed.

“But April….. You lost 30+ lbs.”

Well, sure I did! But you didn’t think I was done did you? That was some HARD CORE shitake if you know what I am sayin’. This new thing is a little less in the DO IT OR DIE ARRRGGGGG!!! category and more on the, you need to do this for your health and well being category. Get the difference? A little less on the GI JANE, SHAVE YOUR HEAD AND EAT BEATLES kind of thing and more on the gusto and commitment will help teach me long term life changes.

Okay so now that I have explained it to death, I come to the part of my discourse where I explain its main purpose. To ask for your support one more time (I could not have had better)! As I stated above, no voting, no show to listen to, nothing but your good verbal, written or mental thoughts, put forth during this new period to help encourage and boost me to change my life for the better.

Please help!! And BTW there are ten spots available and you can go to http://www.usmcfitnessbootcamp.com/sitemap.html if you are interested!

I know some of you are dealing with bigger things in your own lives. Please know my want for support in no way makes light of anything you may be going through. I may not always understand the depth of your needs and wants but I am thankful to all of you and want you to know that I am here for you in anyway that I can be.

I am back!

So I took a little hiatus from my musings. Well I mused, but I mused to myself. Sometimes it is better to muse to ones self then to muse out in the open where everyone can see you muse, or hear you muse, or be all up in your muse. That is all I am sayin.............okay, I am still sayin, but you know what I mean right? Well, I am back. I am back for another season of "where is my cheese." I am going to try and participate in another contest having to do with hard work, dedication and food that tastes like cardboard.

Oh I can do it....the question will be if I can give up cheese and beer yet for a second time. I mean what sane person would do that? Well, I may not be sane, but I am a chunky dunk so for me it is the only viable option. I haven't started yet. I actually have not even been offered a position in the contest (keep your fingers crossed).

It begins in September. It is for six months and this time it is outside. OUTSIDE. In the rain, in the heat, in the cold. Beauty is pain and I hope to be in agony.

There will be no voting, no radio show to post videos, and none of getting to hear me say goobersmooch things on the air. It will just be good old fashion wheezing and Ibuprofen by the bed.

Time to change.

Okay, so I need to change the pic up at the top. I will. I will some time when I remember and am at a computer that has my pics saved. On my list of things to do I also have on there to add some pics to my My Space page. Alas, it is still on my list of things to do. I imagine it will remain there for some time. Currently I am house sitting and child sitting. I hate to say baby sitting. These two aren't babies and while they are kids, they seem so grown! Anyway, I also need to clean out our storage, house and dog sit and have my gall bladder out. Throw in work, dodgeball and some various and sundry chores and events, and you can see that photos are on the back burner.

I also want to figure out how to link this blog to my my space page where you don't actually have to click on the Blogger thing to get here. Anyone know?

For now I just want to add a really cute thing I saw on MSN.

Oh lord it's hard to be humble...when your perfect in every way...

Who is that song by? Hahahahahaha I am sooooo just kidding. That old country song just popped in my head. Currently I keep looking at my before and after pic becoming more vain by the minute (if that is possible)!!



Okay so I found it on youtube! I am really not vain or at least not that vain!!

Wk 8 pic on it's way.

So I came to work last week and Amanda from upstairs in OB asked which office was mine. I thought it was an odd question but I was busy, the phones were ringing, I figured she just needed to borrow something from us for her clinic. Well, she comes in the back door with a HUGE poster board with all of my pics from each week, how much I lost, and a BIG CONGRATULATIONS at the top. She even used glitter! I got goosebumps right then and there and I swear I wanted to tear up. I had the best support system through this whole thing and then for her to do that...well I about lost it. Even Liz (my friend and co-worker) just about teared up. I mean how super nice is that? Well, I am attaching pics. Anyway, thanks Amanda! It meant the world to me!

So long, farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, goodnight!

Last day before the final chopping block....

I think I am kinda of giddy today. I am super excited about tomorrow no matter the outcome. We shall say who in the end takes it all home.

I don't live here but I do visit from time to time...

I am not real sure if anyone else has lived here, but the funny thing about glass houses is that they can be very fragile which is why I try really hard not to carry stones in my pockets (sometimes easier said then done).

Okay let me cut to the chase.....there is a lot of talking back and forth. We all know it makes for great reading and good drama, but unfortunately, it is also a hot bed for hurt feelings and poor attitudes.

Yes, I am going to take up for Niki, just as some of her friends have, just as some of her other teammates have and just like her husband has. Keep in mind me taking up for her is not me tearing down anyone else. She has become my friend and while I handle things differently or rather my reactions stem from different issues, she does have a right to express them as does everyone who has done so throughout this whole competition.

From my point of view and IT IS JUST A POINT OF VIEW, Niki is a fire cracker. She is bright, intelligent and responsive. Being with her day in and day out, we talk about all kinds of things. Obviously, one of the most prevalent is this contest. The majority of the time she is just joshing around, being silly and talking about whooping the pants off folks, me included! Just messing around having fun.

Then, she hears something on the radio about our team, or a member from the other team calls her and tells her things that seemingly go against the rules, or a member from the other team says something to her personally or things are said on the videos. Niki responds.

She defends herself and our team (what was our team before the trade).

I think the issue with everyone, or least my view of it, is that different people handle things differently. Unfortunately knowing that, it doesn't stop our A$$e$ from being chapped when we think we have been attacked, unfairly labeled or just plain misunderstood. This goes for both sides. Niki just chooses to be more public about her opinions and her frustrations. Heck she has even discussed her hemorrhoids and bowel movements. That is her.

We have ALL said stuff. It isn't fair to say no one else has. I have, you have, she has. We have all heard things, seen things and been around people saying things. The difference is the venue where these things are said and done and the lack of knowledge we all share from not having the complete stories on both sides.

I can only speak to what I know and what I know is limited. I mainly just want to say that things aren't always what they seem and we should all remember that.

One thing I do know is that this whole experience has been fabulous. I am proud of myself and appreciative of the time and effort all of the trainers and the radio station have put forth.

I also know I like Niki and think she rocks and that my new BFF Amanda is secretly the Bionic Women no matter how she tries to deny it.

Sunday and the final countdown

I really should go and get me some Jesus today. I started going back to church sometime last year. I think it was around October. And well, I have not really been able to take that off of my list of things to do because I quit going again. I don't think the little bobble head Jesus on my dash is what they meant when they said that we need to take Jesus with us everywhere. I was raised Catholic and don't profess to anything really at the moment. If anything I would have to say I am just a touch on the sacrilegious side. Don't everyone freak out at once. I am also politically incorrect on occasion, I uses swear words AND I am mean to old ladies. I AM JUST KIDDING, I don't swear. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA Jokes people jokes!!

Anyway, I really should get back to church, but that is not the topic for the day.

Actually, it is getting close to the end. Wednesday morning is it for us. I need to shake it like a salt shaker this week. For all the grown ups out there, that means I really need to put some effort into it.

I think I have shin splints again which really is NOT a good thing. Under normal circumstances I would say it is great. Not the pain part, but the not being able to run part. BUT, since I only have five work outs left it is HORRIBLE. Running is the one thing where I am pushed to the extreme. Or at least that is what it feels like. If I can't run, I hope that GI Jane and Brian can find me something else because I really need to push myself to the limit. They are the bosses though so I am sure they will come up with something that will make me cry!

The final countdown is here. Yeah I will still be eating fish, I have enough of it to feed a small village of Eskimos, but it is a countdown none the less!

I can't believe I haven't mentioned him before!

First let me say, while I am adapting to my new training peeps and routine, I miss my Niki! I miss you miss you miss you!! She is right. We have been attached at the hip! I think we still are!

Okay, now for the big one....MY HUSBAND. Can you believe I haven't really mentioned him? I mean those of you who know us know we have different schedules, different sleep patterns, pretty much a lot of differences. BUT, that being said he is my good looking hunk of a hubby who has been totally supportive. I think maybe because he wasn't all verbose on the forum or on here I just didn't say anything. I mean Niki's husband writes about her, for her, heck that sweetie pie even leaves me comments.

Anyway, I was so caught up in my food, or my lack of sleep, my training, pretty much this whole dang contest that I never gave any props to him. Sure, I did tell you guys he cooked brauts (which smelled divine), but that was it. Well, he asks me everyday how things are going, he reads the blogs, he makes sure I have water and he doesn't eat my "special" foods. He proudly talks to his parents about it and other folks too. I mean come on....a bunch of chicks working out? I think that is close to him having to listen to me talk about so & so's cousin who married my friend who wore that one outfit to the concert and then met so & so and they talked and they said blah blah blah. I mean it isn't something he would normally pay attention to. But you see, he is paying attention for me. He wants me to do good, he has not said one thing that is "dumb man" like at all. He has said the right things at the right time and in the right way.

And what did he get in return? Nothing but my sassy mouth and no props for him being there for me! I know you all gasp at the idea I could be sassy, but really I have that tendency. There are other words that could be interjected for the word sassy, but there is no need for us to go through the dictionary now.

Anyway, I love you Cliff. Thank you for being there for me! You rock and when this is over I plan to #@%^*&******%%^^ !!! oops the keyboard must have messed up!

GI Jane good trainer or the devil?

No she is not the devil! But she sure can work a person. The things is, while intimidation works (thanks Antoine), GI Jane does it in such a way that you not only like it, you want to do good. Does that make sense? Well, I think I misspoke, she doesn't actually use intimidation. She uses positive reinforcement and says things like good job the whole time. Technically I don't really LIKE cardio, but I did want to do better. She really makes you WANT to do a good job.

NOW, don't get me wrong, I think through my sweat filled vision she at one point had horns, but that could have been my mind playing tricks. I ran more today than I have in mucho mucho years, so I am pretty sure the lack of oxygen to my brain reacted with the fish I had last night for dinner and then my mind started acting hinky. Yeah, in my medical opinion I think that is what happened.

Anyway, she is nice and fun, but firm. I didn't die, I did keep up (barely) and from the sound of things I get to do some cool stuff at Saturday's work out. After that I am refereeing the Highpoint Coffee Dodge Ball Tournament. You guys should get a team or just come out to watch.

Oh and one more thing I think Amanda is the Bionic Woman, don't let her fool you!

To my peeps!

Niki I miss you miss you miss you! Thank you so much for being there with me this whole time. Yeah I know I have told you, but you have made this whole thing way more fun than I think it really is! Exercise is just not fun to me but you are!! I will not forget this or you! You my friend will always be a little sunbeam! Plus you rock but you should know that!


Amanda, my new peep, you are a silly mess and I love it! I swear I wouldn't have lost a dang bit of weight if we would have been together this whole time, you crack me up too much! I would have been laughing to hard to stand up straight and get a breath! This last week with you should be a hoot! No owls will be harmed in this endeavor!




Sooooo props to my peeps!

How do you spell what a snore sounds like?

So, my first night was a surprise. My new trainer had us train for two hours last night. Apparently, that is common. Problem is, I am not used to that, was not prepared, and thought I was going to fall out. I didn't. I am here today typing this. My eyes are squinty and a tad on the itchy scratchy side.

You see, not only did I get home later and in bed later, I got up earlier. Not just earlier, WAAAAAAAY earlier. My new trainer Brian sent a text last night that I didn't get until 4:59 am this morning. What had happened was....I turn my phone off at night so I can go sleepy go night night with no disturbances. I probably would not have gotten his text anyway because my cell service is not usually instantaneous when it comes to texts (especially when it has been off then turned on) so I got it way too late.

The jist was that we were going to work out at 5 not 4:30. TOO LATE. I was already up an at em. UGH! I am so tired! I was SUPER late to work today and I am still not close to being really aware.

Yeah I said it, I AM EXHAUSTED. YEP! But hey, that has been a theme throughout this whole shindig so I can cut it for one more week!! HELP!!



I have been in more than one of these positions the last seven weeks for sure!

One more week.

Talk about a mix up. Whew.....first, I get kicked off, but then I am not kicked off and get to stay. THEN, they mix up the teams. I am now with Amanda and my BFF Niki is with Lindsey. I get along fine with Amanda, but I will SOOOOO miss my sunbeam! But wait, there is more.............I now train with Brian and Kelley. My understanding is that GI Jane is tough. AND...AND they train at 4:30am until 6. It was 4am to 6am but luckily for me I guess I get a reprieve because now it is 4:30. Does any one have any idea if the world is even rotating at that time of the morning? I imagine it is much like this (turn on volume)




Ah well. Just one more week. I can do this!

Sausage and gravy, cheese dip, tacos, cheese and crackers, chocolate, diet Pepsi jazz, sandwiches from Rising Roll, Outback, beer...the list goes on and on and on. Is anyone else dreaming about food? It isn't so much that I am hungry. In fact I usually feel full just from the fish and lettuce I eat daily, but the smell of food...Coffee for instance, or a Digorno's pizza or the Bratwurst my husband cooked last night.....the smells just kill me. Even the greasy breakfast foods at the deli at Kroger that have been under a sun lamp for hours smell good. DO skinny people ever have that affliction? I don't know, but I know I do. Yeah yeah yeah, it is a life change, discipline all that healthy talk, but life change or not I can't just turn off my olfactory senses.

I can choose not to eat certain things. I have been doing that for seven weeks now. I HAVE BEEN DOING IT FOR SEVEN LONG WEEKS. I will need to continuously make those choices, but the smell of freshed baked cookies is a bit much for anyone to ask me to ignore. I am trying to lose weight not be a contestant on survivor. Although right now a big juicy beetle might taste good who knows.

Tomorrow we have weigh ins. We shall see where I go from there. Stay tuned.........

That's All Folks!

It is almost over. This overwhelming, difficult, best thing to happen of a learning experience is almost over. Part of me is counting the days, while part of me wonders can I keep it up when this is all said and done. I honestly don't know. I feel as though I have learned discipline. I feel pretty confident I can and have changed my eating habits permanently, but to be truthful, I am scared.

First, before I finish discussing my insecurities, let me say thanks to the radio station Q107.5 for putting this on and picking me to be a part of it. Thank you to the trainers at Forever Fit for taking their time to teach us what to do and making us see that we can do it even when we are laying on the ground gasping for breath and saying we can't. I have actually utilized HaLees and they are great, and I bought some vitamins the size of small elephant tranqs at the Vitamin Shoppe so props to the sponsors as well.

I also want to thank all of my friends and family. I can't begin to write every one's name in here. I even had people from high school who I haven't seen in years vote for me. I have had the kids I babysit vote so much we had to ask them to stop because they didn't understand the rules and were flooding the network. I have had exes, best friends and acquaintances either write a comment, vote or both. I have had co-workers (friends) make me signs and give me balloons and keep me away from the cookies on the kitchen table. I have had phone calls and I have had emails. I even had people as far as Amsterdam support me in this endeavor. I can't possibly begin to express how these people and their thoughts and support have kept me going. I wanted to quit more than once and right when I thought I couldn't take another minute, I had a comment left on this blog, or a phone call.

I also want to thank the people who have been doing this right along side me. You have all been a huge source of support and Niki, I couldn't have done this without you!

Thank you all.... Now...let's go get a beer! Oh dang....still in the contest. No beer for me. Week after next then?

This is the end........

I just typed a whole mess of stuff only to accidentally delete it. Basically I was saying thanks and giving props to folks. I wanted to do that before the competition was over so that peeps would have time to read it and now how grateful I am. It isn't the end yet, but I was going ahead and giving my goodbye speech. I will try and retype something this week.

On the light side.

I think tomorrow I am gonna blow this blog up with a bunch of idle chatter (of course I am not sure how that is different from other blogs but....)! Anyway, today my babble will be light as it was last night. I wanted to go to a rummage sale that Stacey talked about but I will be refereeing some dodge ball games from 12-4. Then I have to go work out after that. So, for now I am going to finish my laundry, eat a snack of chicken and snap peas and go curl my hair. Have a great Saturday!!

Friday Night

I am chillin with my girls tonight. Doing the whole babysitting thing. Although the word baby is not accurate. Lily is 12 and Molly is 9 (and I can't forget the 1/2 she says). Anyway, they aren't babies at all. We have fun watching our shows and doing something fun and creative. Tonight we are going to make a fairy garden!! Anyway, I have to get back to our evening! Catcha tomorrow!

I did the math

Well, I am currently right in the middle of the pack. If the weights on the website are correct that is.

AND THAT my friends, makes me happy. The middle you say? How can the middle make you happy? Well, I am still in the running which is great. I am not doing as poorly as I thought, and besides, things in the middle can be great. Like the middle of an Oreo cookie. The middle of a cheese sandwich, the middle of a great dinner (when you realize it tastes so good and you still have half to go). The middle of my stomach which is quickly retreating! So see there are things in the middle that are great (minds out of the gutter please)!

I tried to post the totals, but I was not savvy enough to format it to fit here and too lazy to reformat it!!

Something else....

It does bother me to hear my trainer on the radio say he loves me, but basically I am not going to push Niki like Stacey will so he wants Niki to be sure she thinks about that. Okay, point taken, good point, could that have been said in private? I have to go to the gym tonight knowing he thinks I am a chump. Okay he didn't say that, but my feelings are hurt so I prefer to inject my own words here. If I had not gotten today's vote to stay, I would have been in the top six out of twenty. Not to shabby eh? Why oh why am I so dang fixated on something I consider negative with my feelers all hurt? Dunno!

Perhaps I didn't listen long enough but couldn't it have been at least said like I am not some insignificant cog in this whole thing. I mean I have lost 26 pounds and I didn't start at 300. I started at 202. I have NOT missed a day, I have done my blogs and by gosh I am trying. And don't even bother to ask me if I would like some damn cheese with my whine....you should all know the answer! :)

Maybe, just maybe, I will be able to put this fussy feeling aside long enough to realize it doesn't matter. I am still here and get another week of expensive training and will lose even more weight. It is my job to push me and my job to get it together. Always has been.

I still feel like fussing but any additional comments or issues are really irrelevant and won't change anything. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

Still hanging on

Yes I am happy. I am happy. I AM HAPPY. YES, I AM. Right? Should be easy right? I am here and that is all that matters. I am here and am only 4.5 lbs behind PoohBear. Not so bad. I want to throw in the ten year age difference too but it doesn't really mean squat. It is all about what I can do, how hard I push myself and in the end do I think I made a concerted effort. Did I do my best? Can I keep it up? Will I push myself to the max? I hope to H E double scribble that the answer is yes to all those. My reticence with this whole deal is that I keep hearing I am not a competitor (or rather someone else is a bigger one), blah blah blah.

Am I going to win? Well based on the numbers probably not. But there are five of us out of 20 left. I am not sure about today, but I was not at the bottom and frankly, the idea just kinda hurts my feelings. Why? I have NO IDEA! It is really silly. Who cares? I shouldn't. I am still here. But dang if it doesn't just set wrong with me. I am really not sure why I am allowing something so insignificant to bug me. I don't get nervous about weigh-ins or being kicked off. Instead I am focused on something that should just do nothing but make me prove folks wrong. Weird huh?

Well I am working on it.

Tuesday which is the day before Wednesday.

How much do I weigh? Hmmmmmmm? That is the question for the minute. Guess what? I have no clue. I have weighed since last Wednesday for sure, but I did so late in the day or the middle of the day after eats and gallons of water etc. I am not worried. Should I be? I really don't think so. Stay or go I rocked this contest. I have lost such a big chunk of change that it is impossible to be disappointed. I am so much closer to what I envisioned I wanted to look like. I hope like crazy I have formed habits that will stick and I have found that healthy food won't actually kill you. It tastes like it might, but it can actually be digested. Who knew?

I am still a chunkamunk!

BUT a happy chunkamunk! Hey hey hey...before you all go batty on me....I am not being derogatory. I lost 23 3/4 lbs not 53 3/4 lbs. I am still a little on the "healthy" side if you know what I mean. BUT I AM HAPPY!!! Whooo hoooo!!! Do you know how icky it is to feel like you are never gonna make it to your goal? Any goal? I mean with weight loss, it is so frustrating to see how much you need to lose, then only lose a pound or two and know you have so much more to go.

Well, see, with Memphis Biggest Loser, I have a great head start. I know it can be done, I see the light at the end of the tunnel and it isn't because the "big one" took me going up the stairs. I can truly see an end in sight and I have made a beginning that while intense, has been ginormously effective.

My clothes are bigger because my boohiney is smaller! Yeah for me. I still have a way to go. I will have to continue with what I have learned and then maintian from there. Lofty goals for sure, but hopefully ones I can manage. So yep, I am still a chunkamunk. A chunkamunk on a mission. Just not not the mission of searching for hot wings this time! AWESOME!!

Sleepy go night night.

Are my blogs getting shorter and shorter or what? Well, here I am again, searching the recesses of my brain for something to say/type. It is 9:22 pm on Sunday which is totally passed my bedtime. I mean TOTALLY. So I am going to eat a few snap peas and get some shut eye. You know, for all of you who consider yourselves fans...or I should say, in my deluded brain, the ones I consider to be fans....I am really not all that funny (well I think I am, but we have already determined I am at times deluded) nor am I the typical wordsmith. Lately I tend to ponder just what the hell I am going to write about. I do have some body ailments I could interject here and there, or I could discuss my infrequent ability to go #2, but frankly, it isn't all that interesting. I will just stop here for the night.

Cuz I'm Krackalacken...what what??

So like yeah yeah it's Kracken comin to you live from the hizzhouse!! Yeah yeaah!

Naw just messing around. I mean I am at the house, but I don't really have anything of note to say, so I thought I would make some junk up. As it stands, I can't miss a blog or I get slapped with an added 1/2 pound to my weekly weight loss totals, and I don't mean in a good way. I guess I should say the deduct a 1/2 pound. Thems tha rulez! I'm out! PEACE!

Oh and hi mom!!

Hi mom. I think it is cool you are learning how to check out the website and stuff! I love you and Patrick and Keke.

You can also leave me comments if you want! click on the word comment after any blog entry and poof...there you have it! You may have already but I am about to fall asleep and don't remember! You rock mom! I love you! Your favorite. And tell Keke I lover her more! AHahahahahahaaha LOLOLOLOL

Ditto

If any one has read Niki's blog I second that. There isn't much more I can write here that she hasn't. There may be no crying in baseball, but there is for sure crying in this competition. When you feel like you are broken, it is hard to hold your head up and keep going. We will. We have to, but it isn't easy. Right now I just want my husband to come home so I can curl up and have him rub my hair and tell me everything will be okay.

It will be okay, but I sure wish I could be babied right now.

There is a difference.

Aside from me not having to jump off the roof to get into my clothes, I can now see a difference. Twenty two and three quarter pounds is nothing to sneeze at. Neither is 30+inches. I am not back to my cheer leading weight, but hey, I am working it!

This picture is me saying.....

At least I don't have cankles!

There are many levels......

I really think there is a fine line with wanting to stay and wanting to go. It tugs at me at times. I was in the bottom two again. I still lost more weight than some other folks but other folks don't count. The folks on my team count. There are four of us and I lost another 4 3/4 lbs. I think that rocks. I weigh 179 1/4 now. That too rocks, I am just tired as I have stated many many times, and am grumpy, so part of me was looking forward to a cup of coffee and perhaps a piece of cheese!!

What doesn't rock is my my mixed feelings. DEEP DOWN and I MEAN DEEP, I want to stay and work so hard that by boohiney just falls off right there in the gym. I mean right there....on the floor. I will be on the treadmill, hauling A$$ and my boohiney will fall off, hit the treadmill while it is still going, fly back and hit the wall. Hopefully it will not hit any bystanders on the way, but I can't promise. Then part of me wants to eat a whole stuff crust cheese pizza.

Closer to the surface is the part of me that wants to stay, work hard, sweat, work, train and sweat some more. On this level, part of me still wants my boohiney to just fall off, but it is buried deeper and is a passing thought that I am aware can't literally be reality. Then for the eats, I want to drink a Diet Pepsi Jazz and have some trail mix or one tiny tiny taco.

Then at the surface, I Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!! ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!! ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! Oh I am sorry, what was I saying?

How many muscles are there in the human body?

I don't know. That is why I asked. I took science and all that in school. I didn't retain that tidbit of info. What I do know, is that apparently there are enough muscles in the human body for me to hurt everyday for a good long time. NOT the same muscles mind you. Yeah I said it. DIFFERENT MUSCLES. Leave it to our trainers to find and exploit every single one them too. My poor baby muscles are SCREAMING at me. I keep trying to get them to hush, but they don't care who hears. They are big whiney babies. Not me, but my muscles. I am not above blaming my pain and agony on something and someone else. I for one am in super shape underneath all the fat and sore muscles. SO really you can't fault me personally for whining. You can blame it on the extra person I have been carrying around. She is a whiner, that is why I am trying to get rid of her.

Blog blog blog blog. Then I said blog blog blog. He thought it was funny so I blogged. But you should have seen blog. That was a trip. Blog it I laughed so blog! You blog, blog. Then blog then blog blog BLOG!!! Hahahhaaa I swear it was blog!

Breakfast

I have no eggs boiled for breakfast. I have to get my egg whites in and I REALLY don't want to. Not that I don't want to eat them, I just don't feel like cooking them. I did have oatmeal and my green tea but that is just about to kill me. We all know my love of oatmeal by now.

57th Blog this one is meant for Saturday

So it hasn't even been 30 days into this contest yet and I have over fifty blogs. This one however is Saturday's. Friday I was off so it seemed like Saturday and boy did I blog then. Whew, I talk a lot. I am fresh out of things to say right now. I will say though, we have some really dedicated people in this game. They train and train and train, or I see them push themselves to the limits on the machines. This is all hard as it is, and then you see the extra spark that a few folks have. It is a great thing to see.

If this aint sexy I don't know what is.

Green Eyed Monster

Yes my blogs are filled with jealousy. Can you see how in every blog I talked about other folks and their accomplishments and how I am mad about that? Can you see where I keep talking about the other team. Can you? I also have not been supportive at all to my team or the other team.

I am told to not listen to anyone or let them get under my skin. That is GREAT advice. I am working on that, but not as quickly I would like.

GEEZ, can folks get stuff right? What in the heck is there to be jealous about? While we have established that I recently communicated poorly, I have been supportive supportive supportive. WHAT in any of those three supports spells jealousy? Good goobly goo. Quit trying to explain away, what I feel is my right to righteous indignation for the rules not being followed or what I hear about the rules and the various infractions.

Am I jealous others lost weight? I lost weight. Am I jealous others have a different diet? NO, I would eat the wrong things given my own leash. Am I jealous the number of people on the other team? NO, the other team is not actually the other team. We are ALL in competition with ourselves first and then the others, my team and theirs.

As for the trip and money, I don't have a chance unless folks just drop like flies. PLUS after the first week it was obvious this was gonna be a huge change in my life for the better. The training itself and my health is the prize, but don't think for a second people didn't sign up for the carrot at the end of the stick. We have just found different carrots and these we can eat. Well I can't my diet doesn't allow it, but you get my meaning.

Yesterday I commented on things that were said on the radio, blogs and the forum plus NUMEROUS RUMORS. I screwed up royally in that endeavor but that is one instance. Don't confuse my defense of other team members as jealousy for them or the other team.

And...AND... because I feel defensive as heck myself today I am not talking to the person or persons I offended yesterday. I am talking about the comments from outside.

Antoinne said life and even competition is not always fair or rarely is. I get that. I just need a minute to get the naggers out from under my skin. I am here for myself. There is no explanation other than that I have to give; but, being the mouth I am, I can't seem to help it.

Maybe this competition will help me break that habit.

What do I do know?

So I was a jerk. An unaware jerk but a jerk just the same. You know my husband and I have had many arguments about communication and what you say vs. what you hear and how things are taken vs. the intent. My self and another contestant had a death in the family and my use of that example was received poorly. And thinking about from their view it was in poor taste. I soooooo didn't mean it that way. In another avenue or arena I don't think this would or could have happened. The competition portion and the drama lends to making my error in judgement much more.

Unfortunately now, for the hurt I caused someone else, I am hurting because even with an apology I can't take it away. Me trying to explain one thing (or several) instead turned into something that may never be rectified. Well, rectified may not be the right word. How do you rectify feelings? You don't, you apologize and hope that person accepts. They don't have to. I screwed up and have to accept that.

I am not sorry that I was trying to explain something, or that I was wanted to comment on the rules after all the mess on the radio yesterday, but I DO want to apologize for being insensitive and did not think about what and how I wrote something would affect the other person. I thought I was totally trying to explain that it WASN'T about that person and instead, did nothing but hit the nail in the board so to speak.

I don't know what to do know. I am NOT a person to hurt someone, be mean to them, be insensitive even, but how can I prove that to a person who feels I did all those things to them? I will say again that I was responding to an email left on the forum earlier that was removed and several things that were said on the radio yesterday. It was not intended for you. None of it.

One day when this is all over, I may get my head around what I was trying to explain.
I will apologize again and say I am sorry for the hurt I caused. I am truly sorry for your loss.

Dreading this evening

I am so dreading tonight's training. I know it is negative for me to say I am not really any one's competition. I have even been told to my face that Ashley is gone because she was more of a competitor. Well...ok. I mean what do you say to that? It is no secret I am not athletic or particularly agile. I would be considered more in the "bump on a pickle" category. For those of you who don't know... bumps on pickles don't do anything they are just there. I mean I do stuff, but not training my a$$ off kinda stuff like I am doing now.

So for all of those who made it clear I was not a threat...again...ok. I am doing what I can, when I can and how I can. I have lost 18 pounds as of Wednesday morning and when I weighed last night it was 19. I am not in the top nor am I at the bottom. I have lost weight, I will continue to lose weight and you never know, I may break bad here and surprise everybody. Okay, well probably not, but steady is good. I am going to stick with steady for now and part of being steady is dreading my training.

I, my friends, am a delicate flower :)! It hurts. It makes me wheeze, it makes me pour buckets of water from my flesh, it makes me stink, and by gosh it messes up my hair.

But is all in the name of health so I will forge ahead.

About the rules....

This blog has been removed.

oooohhhhh I was P$$$$D

But I am okay now thanks to T and N!! Thanks for talking me down!! :) Awesome! I may type more about my ill attitude on a later blog. For now, I need to ruminate on it and figure out just exactly why I was mad as a hornet. I mean I know why I was throwing daggers with my eyeballs, but I need to figure out why I allowed Mr. Cologne to get under my skin to begin with! HMMMMM??? Thoughts to ponder eh?

Thanks? I don't think that is enough!

I am completely floored that I am still here. Most of all I am thankful. I KNOW the choice was not easy. I KNOW, it was upsetting to those who voted and to those of us in the bottom two. Ashley, you did a GREAT job. You mam, were and are a huge competitor. I enjoyed your smiling face, your funny disposition and those beautiful baby pics! I am glad to have met you and OF COURSE we will all go out.

As for the rest of you, thank you again. I know Ashley was probably more of a threat, but no matter what the reason you picked me to stay, I am super thrilled!

And for all those reading this...I didn't beat Ashley, we just both happened to be on a team with less people to choose from. This stuff is NOT easy and she still lost more weight than six other people. They just happened to be on the other team.

I feel like this on the stairmonster.

Oats. I am so not feeling my oats.

If I haven't made this abundantly clear....I HATE oatmeal.

There is nothing redeeming about it what-so-ever!! Oh hush! I didn't ask any of you to tell me that it helps with fiber intake, cholesterol and all that healthy junk. BLAH BLAH BLAH....the texture reminds me of what I would assume some sort of rotten substance may be like if it sat out in the noon day sun to long. OR...OR possibly baby throw-up. I am really not sure. I try, oh how I try, to get the visions of what I think it could be like, out of my head when I eat it, but frankly, that doesn't quite work.

I eat it. I have to eat it. It's on my diet plan. I just wanted to mention again just HOW MUCH I don't like it, so that there is no misunderstanding.

OR maybe coagulated milk without the sour taste. Yeah...gross isn't it?

I got my pot of gold!

I made it through another day!! What more could you ask for? I don't just mean training. That for sure could kill or at least maim any normal person. I mean the day. Just today.

I made it through the day alive, I worked, I trained, I ate, I laughed, I visited, I talked, I listened, I tasted, I thought, and I felt. Overall, I say it was a good day, frustrations and all.

At times, I know I have taken for granted these small wonders and I have to remind myself sometimes that if others can get through their day, their trials and tribulations, then by gosh I can get through ONE day.

I sure could use a pot of gold right now!

I am soooooooo frustrated right now. I have a ton of stuff to do at work. I am hungry, my husband is not a morning person and I have yet to learn that in almost nine years of marriage, I am SICK of water, I can’t find a back up disc I need AND I left my chicken at home. ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!

BUT today is St. Patrick’s Day, I am wearing green and if I am lucky, that whole KISS ME I’M IRISH thing will pay off today!! IRISH I had a beer!! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA Yeah, I am usually the only one who thinks I’m funny too, don’t feel bad!

WARNING!

Two hours down ...Five weeks to go!

I got my two hours of cardio in for the weekend. Now I am looking at five more weeks. I've got this! I can do it! I may look and feel like this after we get done, But I CAN do this!!

KoolAvatar.com

How is this for motivation?

"In competition, you will face opponents that are smarter, faster, or younger. A champion discovers their own strengths and focus on those to prevail over all weaknesses."

How cool is that? "The Coach" left that as a comment. By the look of things that really appears to be some sound advice. I like it. It applies in this arena and I think, in work, friendships etc. Support is a glorious thing and when it comes in the guise of motivation and forethought, it makes me want turn up the techno and hit it!!

On another note....I have got to learn to keep my mouth shut sometimes. Yeah yeah, for all of you who know me, just shut it right now!!! :)

Even in grade school I lost my recess for talking back or just plain talking. It's one thing to aggravate the masses, but to aggravate my trainers is just asking for it! It isn't so much that I say anything bad, stupid sometimes, goofy maybe, but not bad. Evidently, I just have this uncontrollable urge to hear myself. Actually, that isn't much different than any other day but, just like every other day, I have to learn when to speak and when not to.

Of course, don't look for miracles overnight. Me running my mouth too much has been a lifelong battle. I imagine it will continue on for years to come, but I will still make a mean stab at it. Fair enough?

Addicted

I am pretty sure I am addicted to these blogs. I seem to check them oh... I don't know...30 times a day? I can't say why other than perhaps some unearthly fascination with peeping into someones else's thoughts. Sometimes, I sit down to write my blogs, only to realize I either don't have any thoughts that don't center around food and complaints, OR I have so many thoughts, I can't decipher what to put here. Today, for instance, I am having a hard time coming up with anything of interest or poignancy. While of course I think I am funny and entertaining, surely there are days when you guys, the reader, disagree (don't answer that). Sooooo, back to what to write right?

Frankly, this contest seems to haven taken over most everything I could or would have been thinking. If my thoughts stray to far, well, they circle right back around to when is it time to train? I am tired. When do I eat again? Who wrote what on their blog? That kinda thing.

To say something different at least, I have to say I was super bummed last night. We went outside, it was beautiful, and we/they got to do something different.

Of course, I say they because I have shin splints (STILL ARGHHHH) so what did I do? Go up and down some stairs a gajillion times. Believe it or not, I felt really left out and pouty. What they were doing looked hard, but also looked fun. At least it was something different. Instead I was like the little kid that always has snot running down his nose that no one wanted to play with.

But those are my crybaby thoughts!! I was actually snot free thank goodness!

Should I have fish for dinner?

Or should I have fish? Ahhhh fish it is. Can I get some fries with that? No fries? How about a biscuit? Okay fish it is.......yeeeaaaahhhhh!!

I need to step it up a notch in the gym. I have the food part pretty much down. It is the training that I need to focus on. Shin splints, age, weight, all that doesn't matter. They are excuses. I like to think good ones, but excuses just the same. I can't use my weight as an issue, everyone there is working on their weight. My age feels like a factor when I compare myself to the others. I am 7-15 years older than my teammates and even my trainers, but I can't compare myself to them, I am doing this for me and 35 is NOT old. My shin splints may be another story, but there are plenty of exercises I can do to minimize the discomfort. And again, I can't compare myself to everyone else because if I bust my tookus on the things that I can do, then that should be good enough. Problem is, I think I am slacking. I AM comparing myself to the other girls and I am just gonna say I think they rock! I NEED to shake it like a salt shaker, get low, lean with it, rock with it, break out my interpretive dance, I need to ball out till I fall out.....

Goobernut? Any comments? I could sure use some help here!

Dingle strikes again! That would be Goobernut Dingle to you!

I have another message from Goobernut. Goobernut has hit the nail on the head! I DO NOT like anyone having fun or joking. I have never had someone read me so well. SOOOO, here is to you Mr. or Mrs. Goobernut person for seeing the real me!

Please.... bloggers, teammates, work associates, friends and family, now that I can be myself, (Whew! It feels good!) please cease and desist any and all related activities that appear to be any form of entertainment. Especially if you are doing said activities to feel better.

I DON'T LIKE IT I SAY!!

All this joking, cheer and positive energy is horrifying. I....can't breath....I feel warm....I....thi....nk.....horns....aaaaaarrrrreeee growing on my head.....please help me.....I....need....a piece of cheese........!!!!

No dingle....It is not jealousy

Mr. or Mrs. Anonymous left a comment about my last blog. They felt it didn't make sense and it sounded like "straight jealousy" to them. Well okay if you say so. No it isn't jealousy goobernut. I am slap a$$ tired and I can't decide if I am just irritable so people are getting on my nerves more than usual or if some people are getting on my nerves because they talk to much and joke to much. I talk to much I joke to much. If someone else is getting on my nerves for doing that, I for damn sure am getting on someone else's nerves. What part of that isn't clear? It isn't my team. It is people in general. I get up at 4 am every day and go train, work and then go train again in the evening all while eating food that would fit inside a thimble. My husband said this weekend he could tell I was cranky. Am I really cranky or are the people getting on my nerves just dumb A$$e$ who get on every one's nerves?

My team says I am nice. I kinda think I am too. So instead of blaming other people, I am trying to figure out if it is me just being fussy. I don't want to get crazy eyed on someone just because I am having a bad day. Is that a detailed enough explanation since the "public has a right to know?"

If that doesn't explain it, then I feel we are at an impass.

Okay,

Has anyone ever heard that if you don't like someone that there is usually something they do or say that you don't like about yourself? I may have made that up, but I really think it is true. If you look closely at why you don't like someone or why they get on your nerves, a lot of times you will recognize behaviors in them that you yourself do. NOW, for some reason when I do it, it is okay, but when the other person does it, it annoys me. Why is that? I am SURE I annoy other people. I have no doubt about that. I think I am just selective with the things I actually recognize doing. Sometimes you can't help it. Sometimes it is nothing, and other times it really is the other person, but how can you tell?

I mean who wants to say they are wrong or are being overly critical or just don't like someone?

Maybe I am just tired today. Yeah.........I think that's it!

KMAK is right!

I haven't read all the blogs yet, but telling Kim's business was not a nice thing to do. She did work hard and then she got hurt. NO ONE plans to get hurt. We all know things happen, but in this case, you might as well compare it to a natural disaster because just like floods and tornados it wasn't something she could control. Be nice for goodness sake. We all know people in the competition and out who deserve a talking to on occasion, but before you guys get fussy, please get your stories straight. And.... for the record.... she was on the other team and I still liked her! Gut Buster or not she was a rad person! Yeah okay I said rad but it seemed to fit!

I do not know of any competitor who has been fussy. It was just junk I gathered from the radio.

My grandma passed away last night. I didn't know until this morning on my way to training. I had a message from my step-mom and I could tell in her voice something happened. She didn't come out and say it, but I knew. I tried to call her on my to work out at 4:30 this morning. I know that was insensitive of me, I just couldn't wait. Of course, she was asleep like normal people so I left a message. Then Niki suggested I call the hospital, so I did. They were really nice.

When I was done training at six, I then called my dad who was also asleep, and he confirmed what I already knew. They didn't get home until close to 1 AM so of course I felt like even more of a Jacka$$ for calling so early. I mean I knew there was nothing I could do. I KNEW they had to be tired, but selfishly I wanted to hear their voices.

I am glad I saw grandma Saturday. She is totally in a better place. She is chillin with God and all the other peeps up there. She is not hurting AT ALL and she is for sure watching over us. She can feel and use her hands now and she is either walking or has an awesome motorized chair that she can zoom around in. I am not sure which, maybe she can walk and has the chair just for fun. Either way, she is better.

I am sorry to blog about something so sad, but really it is only sad for those of us still here who miss her. For those of you who do the whole praying thing, it would be great if you could pray for my family. I know all the good thoughts will find there way to them!

Props to Nikki

Nikki, Matt said on the radio you were working your butt off for a reason. Sure we are all working, but you seem to add that extra umph!! Keep being the sunbeam you are. I know it helps me get through this! Keep up the good work. You deserve his props!

Blahs

I think I have the blahs today. I am getting really tired of the food since it is the same thing everyday with no real deviation. My right shin will not quit hurting and I am tired. I feel old, and compared to my team members and even my trainers, I AM!! Boo hoo hoo!!!

What to do to get out of this ick? I suck it up and put a smile on my face and I will CHOOSE to be in a better mood! THAT is what I will do! I will recite the following:

Today I relax and free my thoughts of every sense of pressure. No person, place, or thing can irritate or annoy me. I CHOOSE to be at peace!

Let's hope it works!!

Just what are the rules?

I know it is a radio contest and just like TV the rules can be changed to throw us a twist at any given time.

If I lose more weight then someone on the other team but I am in the bottom two of my team, and I have done all my blogs and not missed a day do I go if I get picked? What rules are deal breakers and which ones aren't? I do not know. I am not talking about ME specifically. I mean the proverbial me/you/I whatever. Some people have better attitudes then others, some do their blogs more, some haven't missed a day, some are always early, some have cheated on their diets while others have not...etc etc. NO NO NO NO, I am not talking about me. I mean I am, but not.

I am just asking stuff I think we all want to know. Since I am in the contest that includes me. It didn't matter to me at first, but now that I see this as an opportunity for change within myself, I can't say that now. I am curious. Not so much I am gonna throw a hissy fit, just enough for me to be more determined to stay. I want to be physically fit. I don't mind so much being curvy. I mind feeling my arteries harden and feeling my heart work triple time like a short person on a ten speed going up hill with a basket full of eggs. And I can soooo say short person because I am one!

Does anyone really know? I am not talking about hearsay. This is not Law & Order. If you ask the serious questions then we will be excluding people I like. Heck it may be me, you just don't know! There are 16 of us left....dondondah!

Coffee would taste really nice right now.

It is Sunday and cool if not downright cold outside. The Sunday paper has been delivered and my hubby is still in bed. A nice hot cup of coffee with cream and sugar would taste great! I would even use decaffeinated coffee, no fat cream and Splenda. It is the ritual I miss. Hot green tea just does NOT do the same thing, especially since I can't put honey in it. I have been fantasizing about coffee. Well, not just coffee. I must confess that hot wings creep up plenty in my thoughts and dreams. I even have some Gluton free crackers in the house that are starting to look like cupcakes. It is getting easier and harder at the same time. It is hard to explain but if you see me gnawing on a pencil, please stop me. I am sure I will be envisioning them to be hot fries!

Hodgepodge

1. I trained today at the gym.
2. I didn't eat lunch because I was running errands, so dinner is really good!
3. I think I am the only one who does the blog twice a day. Gosh knows I talk enough during training, work, at home, so why not here? Plus it is the rules.
4. I went to the Women's Show and saw Mario Lopez, met Chad Pitt and DID NOT partake of ANY of the free samples of food nor the delectible BBQ I smelled. Karson thanks for the tickets, that was super nice!
5. Went to see Grams in the hospital. Still in ICU.
6. Went to Marshall's and bought some pajamas.
7. I found out this morning my cat Raisin likes Oatmeal.
8. My shins still hurt like the dickens.
9. I need to vaccuum.