It was just four tiny pieces....

I just ate some caramels. By boss, who sponsored me, said he was going to email Tony and tattle on me. Tattle on me…… Can you believe it? I begged him not to. All I have done is cry every time I have had to meet with Tony. I have truly been dreading class and each meeting I have with him. THEN I go and eat caramel and I can just hear what he would say to that. My boss pulling the sponsor card did not help!  He thinks it is sooooooo funny! I of course begged, but you never know what he will do. I mean, I write my stuff down, even the pc of caramel, but the thought that I might get another chewing from Tony makes me want to run and hide in a small place.

Oh I know I can’t! I have to lose weight first to fit into a small place!! So I am trying to tell my boss why I cried. He would have none of it. You see…he too is a military man. He said for me to quit crying and then added the word maggot to the end. At that point, I stuck my fingers in my ears, stuck out my tongue and started humming something….anything….so I did not have to listen! Oh that is okay……I’ve got him…..I have peanuted his office and car. Posted noted his whole office, put fake eyeballs and flowers in the skulls he has in his office (for work)…..I am sure I can think of something else! Oh there was also the time; I stuck some irreverent bumper stickers on the back of his car. Although that one backfired, I couldn’t get them out and he said he had to take it to the shop. In reality, he used some of his surgical tools and got it out, but not until after he had me booing like a baby!!

So anyway, I am telling on myself. I ate some caramel. THE END!

Does anyone have cheese to go with my whine?

This weekend started out great! I slept in, saw my friends little girl win the championship for her age group in a volleyball tournament, went to a kick bootay Halloween party, spent time with a girlfriend and lollygagged most of the rest of the weekend. That part was great.

The bad part was having my car go kaput! $1200 DOLLARS WORTH OF KAPUT! UGH!

My tires were dry rotting, my valve gasket thingy and some other dooojamhicky, not to mention an oil change, front end alignment and something about my first born child was involved.

Are you kidding me? I offered to work for them cleaning, pulling weeds, and mopping up oil. I am pretty sure they thought I was kidding, but I can say definitely for sure I was not.

YEP! I am officially a basket case. I have been working my way there all year. Didn’t I say a few blogs ago I was going to make a decision to make myself happy? I was just gonna do it and not dwell? Does anyone know how I was gonna do that? The “how to” has escaped yet again. The “how to” is a slippery little fella. He gets really close to you then in a blink of an eye he darts off in another direction! The little booger!

Cognitive evaluation theory

The most detailed explanation for the overjustification effect is cognitive evaluation theory. This theory proposes that tangible rewards (like money) are perceived as controlling or coercive, and act to decrease perceived self-determination and undermine intrinsic motivation. Because unexpected tangible rewards do not motivate behavior during a task, they are less likely to be perceived as controlling, and thus less likely to undermine intrinsic motivation. Informational rewards (like praise) increase perceived self-determination and feelings of competence, and consequently tend to enhance intrinsic motivation.I am just saying......

One day closer.....

So I met a new peep last night. Well, I didn’t meet her last night, but I did get to speak with her a good bit. And guess what? She is the enemy. That is right…I said it….I am consorting with the enemy!! She is one of the other contestants who just happens to be kicking my boohonkus. So why hang out with her you may ask? Well…uhhhmmm…she is kinda, nice and funny and…Okay so she is not really the enemy! She is just a cool chick who is going through the same process I am to lose weight. Well, her process I believe is working better because she has actually lost weight!! Yeah!!

My point is just that some of the folks who are doing this are supper cool people. She isn’t the only one I have met and while she rocks, it seems like most of them do. Who knew? I mean I didn’t expect people to be just hateful, but it is a competition and that can make for heated exchanges at some point. Well at least I think that is how it works sometimes. So far the only heated exchanges I have had are with Tony.

“Like as in I am gonna put you in a headlock you big whiny turd!” Of course that was Tony. We all know how quiet and genteel I am! I would never have an attitude, raise my voice or take issue with anything someone else said! I of course merely smiled and said “as you wish.”

Okay, so maybe that isn’t exactly how things have gone down but trust me when I say I am STRUGGLING with this whole thing. But, today is another day! And tomorrow is one more day after that!

See here is the thing.....

There is so much I want to write here. Why don't I? Well er uhh cuz people use these musings for evil that is why. You? NO! not you, but people. My space, facebook....all of them can be used to catch criminals. Employers look at them to see what they can about possible future employees. Mean girls use them to be mean to other girls. I think even a wife or two has used it to get back at their none to faithful husband. You name it.....I am SURE someone has thought of or tried using blogs, etc. for not so helpful reasons.

My point is, that writing is therapeutic for me. I like to babble. I tell all my business, that is just what I do. I don't mean to really, but I do it. I am having to restrain myself here and keep from getting all up in my private life. You all read about my weight struggles. Many of you know my personal battles. But I want so much to write about work, home, fun etc. You may or may not want to read it, but I still have the urge to do so.

What stops me? Well, a lot of my "issues" as I like to call them involve others. Sometimes it is something small and really insignificant. Sometimes it is the "elephant in the room" issue, but all of them generally have a smidgen of info about somebody else. I do not want to get the beat down from any of you.

I personally feel that we all go through much of the same things and commiserating with others can really help, but to do so in this arena would just be asking to for a smackdown.

Anybody feel like a fight?

Naw, just kidding.....trying to get my "fussies" out today in a no name calling, non specific, avoiding the issues way today!!

Clarification!

I want all of you to know I am thankful to all of you! Just like the fist time, I couldn't do it without any of you! I may be treading water right now, but I will get there. I may not always like something I hear, or even how some people push, but I do now what I am here for and why and you are all to thank for supporting me!

Thanks Lisa!

Do any of you know how good it feels to have someone support you? Not just people you know. People you don't really know. People you just met. People who are working on themselves while supporting a friend? It feels good! It feels good to have the support of friends and family and then new friends! Falling behind does NOT feel good. Being behind because of your own decisions feels worse. Then BAM! It only takes a second to get a new handle on things when you are encouraged! I am encouraged by many but for this blog, today.....here's to you Lisa and for your unexpected encouragement! Thank you for your support!

My act is gonna get better.....

Ladies and gents,

I just have to be honest. I have NOT been into this contest. If there was something I could say to justify that I would. About the only thing I can say is that it hasn’t just been boot camp. I have not been into dodgeball, work, my eating habits, my friends, and the list goes on. What is it? Why? Yeah yeah…I have thought of everything from depression, to anxiety, to sheer exhaustion. Could be a little of one, all of one, or some of all three. It could merely be that the polarity of the earth has shifted in some way that has aligned my Chakra’s in a disorganized pattern. The simple fact is, I have just not had my act together. Sure there has been stuff going on. Who doesn’t have stuff going on? Right now, this second, I am having tummy problems…AGAIN. Yeah yeah I KNOW. I AM going to the doctor and have seen a doctor. YES, it could be how I eat, or a bug, or perhaps I was stolen by aliens who probed me in a none to gently fashion and then just left me back here on earth to suffer.

I am just meaning to say that we all have “stuff.” And believe it or not, no matter how bad your “stuff” is, someone else is having “stuff” too. Maybe even worse. What can I do about it? I know what I can do. ME! I Know what ME, MYSELF, and I can do…..I can get it together. I can make a conscience decision to just get it together. Why can’t I do that?

Should I continue to wallow? Should I focus on pain, negativity and upset? OR…OR, can I wake up and decide to have a good day. Can I go through my day and TRY just try to enjoy it. Can I get to the end of the day, when it is time for sleepygonightnight and pray that I am able to NOT worry about things I cannot change and then wake up the next morning to change the things I can?

Today I decided that is exactly what I can do. That is what I WILL do.