My Own Update

I badgered you guys. I sent email after email saying “look what I can do”. I said I can do it. Ladies and gent, I am not so sure I can. I did GREAT during the contest for the radio station. I did great when my cousin and I took a little challenge with him (boot camp) for two months a jillion years ago. I DID do well.

This time…not so much. Tony may make me cry, this contest may not be what I thought it was going to be (for reasons I will get into later) but he was right when he said he thought I would jump into this contest with both feet and hit the ground running. He did think that…so did I (well originally).

Heck, I badgered the stew out of him to be in the contest. I bugged my boss about it, to the point he just wanted me to hush I think!

In the time I did all this, I gathered up a big batch of depression, had multitudes of tests for post gallbladder surgery (icky belly but have good medicine), helped my dad clean out a 5000sq foot house, quit going to dodge-ball, my hubby lost his job, I hurt my foot, etc. Oh there is more but that would only show you more of my character flaws!!

Anyway, STUFF! STUFF that happens to every single one of us. STUFF, that really should be irrelevant in the scheme of things. No, Cliff’s job is not irrelevant, but how I handle it along with anything is really the issue.

Actually, for some reason, that is one thing I seem to have calmness about. It just feels like it will be okay.

Anyway, back to the point of this hugely rambling email…..I don’t like boot camp. I actually kinda hate it. I feel pressured but not in a good way, I feel disappointed in myself for myself and for what I am showing you guys, I feel frustrated that the contest is not what I thought it would be, I am mad at myself for letting things get to me, I don’t like being compared to my cousin (who has done a FANTABULOUS JOB) but I am compared just the same.

I don’t know what I am going to do and I needed you to know that. OH I TOTALLY know if I quit, you guys get your mula back. Really as it stands, you really deserve it back anyway. I have not held up my end of the bargain. Anyway, please know I know. I am working on things and trying to put a number of things into perspective. Anyway, I just want you to know I know.

Thank you for you support. I have not lived up to it, but I thank you none the less! You guys do rock even if I happen to be stubborn as a rock, or should have rocks thrown at me…or something like that, you get the picture right?