I am not sure if any of you have noticed this about me, by I am rather annoying. I KNOW…me right? I go through one little divorce and I suddenly become some kind of sickly, depressive, sedentary hermit….who…who WHINES. I KNOW. What is up with that? Then…then, to top it off, I am getting on MY OWN nerves. How is that possible? ME of all people. I like me or used to. I mean it is me right? I don’t have any problems, YOU DO. YOU come to ME when you are sad or need help or have a break up, or a mean husband. YOU are the ones who are constantly talking about yourself and not asking ME how I am doing. YOU do that. NOT ME. I am funny. I run errands and do stuff to help other folks. I volunteer for goodness sake. NOT YOU…ME. Right? I mean, I can’t possibly be the one with a problem. I don’t stay at home and avoid everyone. I don’t make plans and then cancel them. Right? I don’t make myself sick with stress. That is what you….I mean they…I mean I……do.

But then I ask myself does that make sense? My friend Rach B. gave me an answer:


“It makes perfect sense.

…and you haven’t become anything different. You’re still April – with the same thoughts, feelings, intuition, emotions, silliness, giddiness, sadness, euphoria that you always were. You got into the habit of hiding a lot of that so you wouldn’t fight with Cliff. You got into the habit of doing a lot of things. That’s what happens when you live with someone.

Seriously – the more you dig inside yourself to find answers, the more you’re going to upset yourself. You really NEED to let some stuff go.

You need to be social.

You need to love yourself (even with your faults! …everyone is their own worst critic!)!

You need to remember that you’re the SAME PERSON YOU ALWAYS WERE.

You need to remember you have LOTS of people who love YOU. Not your wit; not your figure; not your surroundings – YOU.”

So I read Rach’s words and think of my other friends I have talked to and I think they’re right and I am right. We can all be right. I am annoying, but I am still me. I need to let some things go and while looking inside myself is a good start at growing into a better me, I can’t stay inside there the whole time and not let ME come out. I need to make new habits, and I need to LOVE ME.

Hey! These here blog entries can’t all be funny!