This morning, before I went to work, I checked the mail. There are always bills and usually a few pieces of junk mail, but today there was a postcard with a court date on it. Hmmm? Court, on July 8th? What did I do? I haven’t been in jail. It isn’t for Jury Duty….Ah it says April Strickland vs. Cliff Strickland. I have to go to court for our divorce. Have you ever been punched in the stomach? I feel certain I know what it actually feels like. Sort of a cross between nausea and shortness of breath, both seeming to coalesce instantly, causing an extreme unfettered reaction.

Dunno…never actually been punched in the stomach. I am just assuming the response I had to be similar. I am not so sure why it happened that way. I have had well over a year to come to terms with the fact, that not only did I ask for a divorce, my husband conceded. Oh yes, we had our issues, and for some reason, at the time, I thought it paramount that we part ways.

Well who am I kidding; I knew/know the reasons. I just happen to think many of them seem asinine now. Most of you would differ. Even Cliff insists I am only remembering the good parts. Be that as it may, this still bites. I miss him. I miss what I thought we could be, I miss what I wanted us to be. Being mired in the past is most assuredly unhealthy but dang if I have been able to shake it completely. Maybe when it is final, I will feel what is said to be closure.

I need to get a puppy.