What I learned from a second grader....

As I was walking down the lane, it began to rain!
I opened my umbrella quick, to keep from getting sick.
As I was walking down the lane the RAIN…it suddenly stopped.
So I closed my umbrella and down the lane I hopped!!

I was all of seven when I wrote that, so we are looking at 31ish years ago. I actually still have the piece of paper with pictures of raindrops and the umbrella I drew. I have several more.

Another one starts out "Katrina Katrina with light blue eyes, pretty red lips and a green bow tie." I was talking about a stuffed doll one of my Aunts had.

It is funny what you can remember when you just let your mind wander.

I find I like some of these memories the best. They are simple, and in my mind, are unattached to times when I have felt, sadness, or anger or guilt...the list goes on.

Memories good and bad can trigger feelings of remorse, regret, loss...

Take a good memory for instance. I can remember going to the fair with my dad when I was little. It was the most magical night of all nights. I got whatever I wanted, I got to stay up way past my bed time, the lights and sounds were amazing. I treasure that memory, but sometimes when thinking back, other memories “attach” themselves to that good one.

Like the fact that not long after that delightful trip, my mom and dad separated, or that I had to go live with my grandparents and missed my daddy.

Now, keep in mind, all of these things turned out for the better. But when you’re three (no more than five) these things are devastating to you.

As an adult, my mind can separate each encounter and examine and look at it as an individual encounter. But in my inner child’s mind, they are all the same. There is no separation and the happy and sad I feel, come all at once.

Now at almost 38, my mind wanders a lot (who am I kidding, it always has). Through divorce and life changes, I now let it roll through and try to find memories where I am strong, independent, happy, self assured. I was those things. I haven’t changed, just stepped out back for a sec.

Anyway, anything can hurt. The past if you dwell in it. The present if you don’t notice it. The future if you didn’t learn anything from the first two.

I am not sure where I fit in right now. I think I lean widely toward the past. Luckily for me, the past is saying it doesn’t want to have anything to do with me and keeps trying to push me into the present!!

Anyone have directions? I don’t think Google Maps on my new phone is set up for this!!