Before I post Miss Hawk’s second comment to my last post I wanted to sit and think for bit. I read her comments yesterday and thought a lot about them. What she said was true and accurate in many cases, yet something didn’t sit right. Not with her or what she said, but with my reaction.
I am angry and hurt and have been for some time now. Hurt is usually my default feeling of late. The anger, while prevalent in my marriage, has all but dissipated. Or had. Much of the anger and resentment I held onto in my marriage has just disappeared. I see that relationship with different eyes. I already feel a tremendous loss from no longer being married to Cliff but the anger is just not something that grips me anymore.
My anger or frustration now, stem from hurts inflicted by people I know now. These feelings are mine. They are not accusations against any one person. They are merely my emotions. I can be angry, I can be upset, I can feel misunderstood and then I can come back around and feel even angrier that I am not understood. Does that make sense? Stay with me…..
Right or wrong, I expect certain people thru out my life to know me in such a manner that they would automatically dismiss anything that wasn’t nice having to do with me. I mean, the second they got a thought or perceived a slight….then, just as fast… the thought disappears. Why? Because they know I am not the kind of person to purposefully do something like that to begin with. Or... they would smack me upside the head for being a dolt, and on we’d go.
Okay, NOW SETTLE DOWN. I DID say right OR wrong….in my mind, that seems like an easy thing to expect.
BUT I am wrong. Without a doubt, I think there will be people in my life that will be able to do just that. They know me, love me and just really know better. But then there are others who get hurt as well. I might not intend to offend, make angry, upset or in general just be an insensitive jerk, but it doesn’t mean I can’t be.
If I am running down the hall with scissors, and I trip and fall into you, tearing a big gash down your side, do my intentions have anything to do with you being hurt? NO! It will hurt like hell.
I am not infallible, and I HATE it when I have been the cause of some one else's discomfort by acting like a jerk, (intended or not).
I can recognize my part in something, apologize and be better for it.
Now I have to learn that you don’t have to apologize to me. You don’t even have to like me, and frankly... you can be an ass all you want. That’s on you!
8 comments:
OMG!!! Me big Irish mouth! What did I say that didn't sit right with you hon? You're post didn't say what your reaction was to what I said.
I sure didn't mean to hurt or up set you sweetie...you know that would not be my intent...I adore you.
Hawk
Oh goodness! Nothing you said bothered me. I sure hope I didn't upset you.
I am still new at this whole, writing and expressing myself thing. Actually, one of my exact points is that I can mean something one way and still make someone else uncomfortable with out meaning to!
All that blabber was kind of my reaction. I realized people can be real huge jerks like we said, but I wanted to let people know that while they can be mean and ugly, I can too. Or at least, I can be hurtful sometimes without meaning too.
I guess I felt like I needed to clarify that I wasn't blaming the whole world and assuming everyone was a jerk. I have my faults ya know....but I am going to learn to not let the intentional jerks bother me anymore.
What you said was dead on...It wasn't your words it was the idea I got from them and what I wrote.
Hummmm, well the last time I looked you were an Irish girl...so you don't have any faults *Cough* it's our blood that makes us this way, ya know. *G*, but it's nice that you're understand of everyone
else....*G*
All kidding aside sweetie...I believe your article was quite understandable...I didn't assume you cast the entire world to blame...for your pain...if anyone READ what you wrote...it was quite clear...
Like I said, most people never hear what you say...they hear what they think you said.
And based on their mood and insecurities...what you said is either taken in a good mood or a bad one...and is interpreted as such.
This is the reason there are some many misunderstandings in the world...it's not what you say but how it's going to be taken (heard) by the one you're saying it to.
That's why a wise person...when speaking to another... will consider WHO he is talking to BEFORE he answers.
In studying people you soon discover their weakness' and learn to answer or speak based on those weakness' to keep from being misunderstood (in most cases)
Then there are the total jerks...doesn't matter how you say it...they WILL MISunderstand you because they choose to. They are unhappy people and that is the way they see life and if you're happy...it's their goal to bring you down to their unhappiness.
Best part is...in life...we choose how we want to react to any given situation.
Choose to be happy...it's more fun than being angry. Besides...you've got a pretty smile!
Big warm hugs
Hawk
Hon,
I forgot to add...a very wise man once said to me...
If you never expect, you'll never be disappointed.
That was the day people around me stopped hurting me (as often as I allowed them too).
I stopped expecting them to act a certain way and then felt hurt when they reacted another...
The wise man's words...have kept me from feeling a lot of pain...something to chew on.
If you find a grain of salt in there that can help...use it...if not toss it out and move on...just live life and find your happiness inside.
I adore you
Hawk
You miss lady are AWESOME!!! Thank you!
Well I'm glad you two got that sorted out. Me, I never understood a word of it. Course I'm just a dumb male, so maybe that explains it.
You are so silly!! LOL!
Ain't it the truth.
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