Oh what a relief it is…..

I met with Tony Monday and guess what? NO tears! HOORAH!!! I had lost weight and he said good job!! YEAH!! Gosh that feels good.

I was sure I was going to walk right into our meeting and quit. Not because of the meeting, mainly because I have just not been getting it. BUT, not one minute before I said the words, Jenny text me and said “please don’t quit.” WOW, how “just in the nick of time” was that? I would have to say pretty darn “nick of time”….ish.

Well, I didn’t quit, I didn’t get yelled at and I went to work. This week has been a pretty darn good week. My foot still hurts, my hubby is still job hunting, I have added high blood pressure to the list, but you know what has been good about it? For all of the issues and all of my anxieties, I have actually been in a pretty darn good mood. Relatively speaking of course!

I think the reason is do to the chillins I am watching this week. They are SUPER, smart, funny, well behaved kids. How can you really be sad around them? I mean seriously? These kids ask how you have been, they ask if you slept okay, they make up funny stories, they laugh, they say thank you, they do their homework, they go to bed on time, they forgo TV to do their homework, they eat what you fix, and the list goes on. I mean they are really good kids. The best part is the smiling and the fun. They joke, they dance, they say things in made up voices and guess what? I get to do that too!!

I have to say I am pretty lucky this week. Oh next week we can get into why I need to be more positive, and I need to hang in there and all of the usual talk about getting my boohonkus in gear, but for now, I am going to be happy being happy and I am going to enjoy the kids and learn from their happy- go- lucky innocence!!

Clarification!

Boot camp is not bad. The awesome chickadees I roll with are just that...Awesome! The exercise is fun and different. The weight loss is a great move toward my health. It is the contest I am not digging. It is my own negative attitude I am trying to throw out the window, it is me allowing things I cannot change to make me have a constant pout!!It is the pressure I am building in my own bones that is making me cranky.

By gosh I am fun, silly, goofy and gosh darnit...a generally happy person. I am coming back!!

I pledge now and forevor more to be positive again! Yeah!

Boy did I hit a wrong note!

I feel like a child who has been scolded in front of the class. I have my head down and am just waiting for my mamma to pick me up and then she finds out!! LOL Just kidding! But seriously....You ladies don't play around!!

Yes, I have been down in the dumps. I have been, dare I say…cranky. I have even been self pitying. I got it! I know it, and I am gonna pull through like a champ with a big fat smile and a rainbow at the end! I am totally gonna do that!

I was just letting my support group know, I wasn’t doing what I said I would. It rankles to have to tell the truth, it is not fun admitting when you screw up….BUT, I didn’t want to hide it either. I for sure am a little (okay a lot) on the downside, but it is all gonna be fine.

That is where my perspective comes in. That is where knowing I am supported and loved comes in (all of you). That is where Paxil comes in!!! Your words of advice…all of them, have been super fantastic. Thank you for offering them and thanks for kicking my butt! I really am not gonna break!! I know right now it seems like I am a loose cannon and perhaps I feel that way too, but there is no way it won’t get better!

All of you rock except for Elizabeth who turned me on to a new Greek restaurant by work….They have a spicy feta dip that is out of this world! Taunting me with cheese is just wrong!! Bad Elizabeth!

It is called "big fat ball of whiny pants."

In case any of you are unfamiliar with this term, it means a person, who when asked how they are, always actually answers with a long laundry list of issues that really no one wants to hear. That my friends, is currently the title I am now holding. For instance, if you asked me how I was, I would tell you my pants are to tight, my back is aching, my boohonkus is shaking from the left to the right. I would tell you my bunions were acting up, my frog died and that I have had bad hair days all week.

Okay so not quite that but enough to where even I think I am annoying!! I mean I may have been annoying to some of you for a long time anyway, but this annoyance is annoying me.

I need to get my positive pants out!!

My Own Update

I badgered you guys. I sent email after email saying “look what I can do”. I said I can do it. Ladies and gent, I am not so sure I can. I did GREAT during the contest for the radio station. I did great when my cousin and I took a little challenge with him (boot camp) for two months a jillion years ago. I DID do well.

This time…not so much. Tony may make me cry, this contest may not be what I thought it was going to be (for reasons I will get into later) but he was right when he said he thought I would jump into this contest with both feet and hit the ground running. He did think that…so did I (well originally).

Heck, I badgered the stew out of him to be in the contest. I bugged my boss about it, to the point he just wanted me to hush I think!

In the time I did all this, I gathered up a big batch of depression, had multitudes of tests for post gallbladder surgery (icky belly but have good medicine), helped my dad clean out a 5000sq foot house, quit going to dodge-ball, my hubby lost his job, I hurt my foot, etc. Oh there is more but that would only show you more of my character flaws!!

Anyway, STUFF! STUFF that happens to every single one of us. STUFF, that really should be irrelevant in the scheme of things. No, Cliff’s job is not irrelevant, but how I handle it along with anything is really the issue.

Actually, for some reason, that is one thing I seem to have calmness about. It just feels like it will be okay.

Anyway, back to the point of this hugely rambling email…..I don’t like boot camp. I actually kinda hate it. I feel pressured but not in a good way, I feel disappointed in myself for myself and for what I am showing you guys, I feel frustrated that the contest is not what I thought it would be, I am mad at myself for letting things get to me, I don’t like being compared to my cousin (who has done a FANTABULOUS JOB) but I am compared just the same.

I don’t know what I am going to do and I needed you to know that. OH I TOTALLY know if I quit, you guys get your mula back. Really as it stands, you really deserve it back anyway. I have not held up my end of the bargain. Anyway, please know I know. I am working on things and trying to put a number of things into perspective. Anyway, I just want you to know I know.

Thank you for you support. I have not lived up to it, but I thank you none the less! You guys do rock even if I happen to be stubborn as a rock, or should have rocks thrown at me…or something like that, you get the picture right?