Funny how when I am sad, and feeling dejected, frustrated, disillusioned, irritable, sensitive, or just downright pissed, I can think of a lot of things to say. Yeah, I sugar coat it and try not to really use specifics, but I think my point comes across. Now that I am not feeling like a total loser, and am stepping back into the role of me, the role I like….the one that has been missing for a little over a year now, it doesn’t seem to be as easy to churn out my jaded opinions.
It felt like, when I was angry, that if I didn’t spew, I would explode. Now that I am not in a terrible mood for once, I can’t seem to get started.
Lately, I have been in a first-rate mood…yeah I know right? Me? The ever reclusive hermit (and I don’t mean the spiced cookie).
My friendships have grown (but then so has my pant size), I have met some new people, reacquainted with old, and some friendships actually no longer exist (not a bad thing).
I have gotten off my arse and started to actually do stuff…..go to the park, the store, to a friends, dinner, just stuff and things. Mostly, I just don’t have any expectations for what I think I should be doing or with who or when. I am just enjoying myself.
Oh it still bites not being married. I miss Cliff and wish I wasn’t about to be 38 with no prospect of having a chillen of my own, but EVERYTHING doesn’t suck now. Maybe only some things!!
I am not big on being single. There is something to be said for companionship and various and sundry other things associated with that, but for now…at least right this minute, I am managing.
Managing doesn’t seem to have near the amount of oomph…or emotional juice that I need to write. Where is the sarcasm? Where are the innuendos implying who ticked me off, where is the anger allowing me to tell you to stuff it?
I reckon for now this is whatcha get.
4 comments:
Although the anger is gone, I'm still diggin' the blog. Email me so I have your email! Hope
Well, if whatcha get includes snippets of humor like this...
'My friendships have grown (but then so has my pant size)'
...then that's fine by me. Keep smiling April.
Hey Hon...
Now that your frame of mind is in the positive...don't be surprised if Mr. right shows up....it's when you're not expecting them when the Gods grant the gift of the right guy for you!
Don't worry about what to say...just tell us about your happy day! I'll be glad for the sweet news and shiny outlook to keep mine on a brighter path!
HERE'S TO HAPPINESS and the new YOU!!
WOORAH!
Hawk
"Mostly, I just don’t have any expectations for what I think I should be doing or with who or when. I am just enjoying myself."-- I really believe this is key, April. I have found that I am most content when I can get all those voices out of my head that are telling me what I should be doing. This goes for the day to day minutiae as well as the Big Stuff. The "you should be cleaning the house, instead of taking a nap or reading" voice is just as harmful as the "you should have a full-time job, a successful husband, 2.5 adorable and brilliant children and a Labrador." voice. If your bliss is found in an afternoon nap or you can treasure the free time and opportunities to meet new folks or spend quality time with old friends or even learn to be your best friend, then you are a success!
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