This is the exact spot in 1990 that we took our "Class Favorites" pic for the yearbook but the concrete thingajiggie wasn't there. Oh.. I mean art....

My office is right behind those trees!!

BTW...

i luv my daddy!

Sunday.......................

So now my paps is having surgery. He has 2 fully blocked arteries and a 3rd pretty dang close to being completely plugged up. Soooooo, tomorrow he is having a double bypass. At least I think that is what he is having. Ya know, my mom just had a heart attack back in June, and while dad didn’t have a heart attack and this is a planned surgery, I still kinda feel like I have been punched in the stomach again.

Don’t get me wrong….I am still in a good mood, I am still doing much better with regard to my divorce and missing Cliff, but having a parent hurt or a parent who is about to have a very serious surgery, well… it does ratchet up my anxiety level. It makes it a bit hard to breathe at times, and it most definitely causes sleep deprivation.

And that doesn’t say a thing for what my dad thinks or my mom’s (I have two).

But there is nothing I can do. NOTHING. My mind can imagine numerous possibilities just as it did/does with my mom and her situation, but today, right this second, I am powerless. When dad is in surgery, again, I will be powerless.

Yes I can pray. I can send powerful thoughts of love and positivity out into the universe, but ultimately, the outcome is not up to me. I am scared.

I have spent the last year or more trying to function from day to day. I am just now beginning to become myself again. Not my old self, but a new and improved self. Then tragedy struck (mom had a heart attack). The world, my world, still moved forward. Now dad is about to have surgery and the world will continue on.

I think the weird part, is that I know everything still goes on, nothing stops, but my center of attention seems to be focused into some sort of tunnel. My mind is having a hard time not fixating on what could happen. I have to step back from my own thoughts long enough to remind myself that anything COULD happen any second of any day. Tomorrow is no different than any single instant from any other day.

If I spend my life always thinking about what could happen, I feel certain that before long, I would be incapacitated by fear. I feel it creep up on me from time to time and I quickly stuff it back wherever that stuff goes.

I want to enjoy having a life and spending it with people I love and care about for as long as I can do that. I don’t want to waste it in fear.

Today I am in fear….

My dad said today that there are no worries. He will wake up. He will either see a nurse or Whip (his deceased dog).


That may seem morbid, but it is the truth and if you knew my dad and heard him tell it you would even think it's funny.

*here is where I should insert a prayer. It is here inside of me and God knows what it is better than I can express it.*

Please feel free to throw a prayer his way or just a “thy will be done.” If not, that is okay too, I just want all the good juju I can get surrounding my pappy!!

I had a giant take all these pics looking down. He was super tall!

Let there be....a crooked lamp....

Sarah has a pic like this one on her site, but this was taken at James apt. not ours. Cool huh?

The golf course on Poplar at Overton

Swamp thing...........

I am pretty sure I am finally in a decent mood....

Funny how when I am sad, and feeling dejected, frustrated, disillusioned, irritable, sensitive, or just downright pissed, I can think of a lot of things to say. Yeah, I sugar coat it and try not to really use specifics, but I think my point comes across. Now that I am not feeling like a total loser, and am stepping back into the role of me, the role I like….the one that has been missing for a little over a year now,  it doesn’t seem to be as easy to churn out my jaded opinions.

It felt like, when I was angry, that if I didn’t spew, I would explode. Now that I am not in a terrible mood for once, I can’t seem to get started.

Lately, I have been in a first-rate mood…yeah I know right? Me? The ever reclusive hermit (and I don’t mean the spiced cookie).

My friendships have grown (but then so has my pant size), I have met some new people, reacquainted with old, and some friendships actually no longer exist (not a bad thing).

I have gotten off my arse and started to actually do stuff…..go to the park, the store, to a friends, dinner, just stuff and things. Mostly, I just don’t have any expectations for what I think I should be doing or with who or when. I am just enjoying myself.

Oh it still bites not being married. I miss Cliff and wish I wasn’t about to be 38 with no prospect of having a chillen of my own, but EVERYTHING doesn’t suck now. Maybe only some things!!

I am not big on being single. There is something to be said for companionship and various and sundry other things associated with that, but for now…at least right this minute, I am managing.

Managing doesn’t seem to have near the amount of oomph…or emotional juice that I need to write. Where is the sarcasm? Where are the innuendos implying who ticked me off, where is the anger allowing me to tell you to stuff it?

I reckon for now this is whatcha get.

At this point, I am sure, where I am, is not a secret.

From the roof of the Peabody. I think that is Union.

At the park.............near the Shell.

Look closely at what is says!!

Still like Monkeys

The backside of the Peabody

SOOOO expensive these days.

A view of Downtown driving down Madison

Part of the ball field....

Downtown near the ball field.

I LUV this building. I wish they would refurbish it.

There's a hole in the bucket...

Mr. V was right, so I went back and added the actual song!! Good stuff!!

Moe of the church on Beale

Poor cows....advertising must be so expensive for them.

Off Union...looks like some sort of....heck I don't know.

I have no idead what this is.

This is Flaun. Sarah's boyfriend James got us both one! So sweet! I love monkeys!!

Better out than in....

The last couple of weeks I have had a few things play over in my head. I don’t have a clue if I am remembering them correctly. I know these two were taught to me by my granpappy. I of course thought he made them up. I know better now….but I equate them to him which makes me smile!!

1.
Have you ever been in an Irishman’s shanty
Where water is scarce and whiskey is plenty
A three legged stool and table to match
A hen in the corner already to hatch!

2.
Early in the morning in the middle of the night
Two dead boys got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other
A deaf policeman heard the noise
And shot the two dead boys
And if you don't believe this stories true
Ask the blind man: he saw it too!


I never said these blogs had to make sense only that they were things directly pulled from my mind. And yes...there is more where this came from. Scary I know!

And here is one more for ya. Again, just floating around in my noggin!


There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, a hole.
Then fix it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then fix it, dear Henry, dear Henry, fix it.
With what shall I fix it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I fix it, dear Liza, with what?
With a straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With a straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, a straw.
The straw is too long, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The straw is too long, dear Liza, too long,
Then cut it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then cut it, dear Henry, dear Henry, cut it.
With what shall I cut it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I cut it, dear Liza, with what?
With an ax, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With an ax, dear Henry, dear Henry, an ax.
The ax is too dull, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The ax is too dull, dear Liza, too dull.
Then sharpen it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then sharpen it, dear Henry, dear Henry, sharpen it.
With what shall I sharpen it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I sharpen it, dear Liza, with what?
With a stone, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With a stone, dear Henry, dear Henry, a stone.
The stone is too dry, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The stone is too dry, dear Liza, too dry.
Then wet it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then wet it, dear Henry, dear Henry, wet it.
With what shall I wet it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I wet, dear Liza, with what?
With water, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With water, dear Henry, dear Henry, water.
In what shall I carry it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
In what shall I carry it, dear Liza, in what?
In a bucket, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
In a bucket, dear Henry, dear Henry, bucket.
There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, a hole..

You have to..................