Or is that Gynographer?
Oh yes, I got it right. The man was either mining for diamonds or digging to China. As it were, I think he only succeeded in making me feel like he was removing my uterus through my belly button or there abouts.
***Shudder***
Ya see, I have had some lady part issues and decided it was time to go see the doc. Now normally, I see a female doctor who is the size of a peanut. You may ask what difference her size makes, and I will emphatically tell you “a great deal!”
SIZE MATTERS!!!
Going to the “lady parts” doctor is uncomfortable at best and as previously noted, “uterus through belly button” agonizingly painful at worst. It is embarrassing, and frankly, just downright unpleasant.
If you don’t know or have never been, there is a portion of your visit where the doctor does a physical exam with their hands to “feel” and make sure your lady parts are where they should be. More often than not, I have found during this time, that they are actually trying reach my sternum through my nether regions. All of the docs I have seen, insist they do no such thing, but I beg to differ.
Okay, so you can probably deduce why size is a factor. The bigger the doc, the bigger the hands. Men, as rule, have bigger hands. In the boudoir, fingers the size of sausages might result in a pleasant transaction between two consenting adults. When those fingers are used as tools, or rather in my case, instruments of doom, then…well….hopefully you can see the reasoning I have for preferring a female doc.
Not to mention, a female doc would NEVER tell another female that “your just gonna feel a little cramping and a pinch” because she KNOWS that the biopsy she is about to perform hurts only second in pain to a limb amputation without anesthesia. She KNOWS.
On the other hand (no pun intended), a male doctor asks if you have a low pain threshold. SAY WHAT?
How is it that HE is trying to DIG a miniature replica of the Panama Canal inside my lady parts and I have a LOW pain threshold? Me thinks not!
In any case, let’s hope for the best!
side note: my doc was actually very nice with an excellent bedside manner, but I would be remiss if I did not say I wanted to rips his face off during my biopsy.
Oh yes, I got it right. The man was either mining for diamonds or digging to China. As it were, I think he only succeeded in making me feel like he was removing my uterus through my belly button or there abouts.
***Shudder***
Ya see, I have had some lady part issues and decided it was time to go see the doc. Now normally, I see a female doctor who is the size of a peanut. You may ask what difference her size makes, and I will emphatically tell you “a great deal!”
SIZE MATTERS!!!
Going to the “lady parts” doctor is uncomfortable at best and as previously noted, “uterus through belly button” agonizingly painful at worst. It is embarrassing, and frankly, just downright unpleasant.
If you don’t know or have never been, there is a portion of your visit where the doctor does a physical exam with their hands to “feel” and make sure your lady parts are where they should be. More often than not, I have found during this time, that they are actually trying reach my sternum through my nether regions. All of the docs I have seen, insist they do no such thing, but I beg to differ.
Okay, so you can probably deduce why size is a factor. The bigger the doc, the bigger the hands. Men, as rule, have bigger hands. In the boudoir, fingers the size of sausages might result in a pleasant transaction between two consenting adults. When those fingers are used as tools, or rather in my case, instruments of doom, then…well….hopefully you can see the reasoning I have for preferring a female doc.
Not to mention, a female doc would NEVER tell another female that “your just gonna feel a little cramping and a pinch” because she KNOWS that the biopsy she is about to perform hurts only second in pain to a limb amputation without anesthesia. She KNOWS.
On the other hand (no pun intended), a male doctor asks if you have a low pain threshold. SAY WHAT?
How is it that HE is trying to DIG a miniature replica of the Panama Canal inside my lady parts and I have a LOW pain threshold? Me thinks not!
In any case, let’s hope for the best!
side note: my doc was actually very nice with an excellent bedside manner, but I would be remiss if I did not say I wanted to rips his face off during my biopsy.
11 comments:
Thanks for the smiles, Apey. Ain't sure if I'm supposed to have read this, but I'm typing this comment with thick rubber gloves on. Hope you ain't still sore.
HA!! I just don't have a response for you today! You have me laughing my arse off!! Or is that supposed to be LMAO!!
Holy ouch! I've never had a biopsy and I hope I never do but I know what you mean about having discomfort when the doctor is prodding you in places that are tender to that type of invasiveness. Maybe men doctors should poke their own male parts to see what that feels like then take a hole punch and clip some part of their scrotum off.
Wow... sounds like quite the experience..
my first time I seriously couldn't stop laughing
i felt so immature
- SY
...and double ouch! A hole punch? Jesus.
You are so right, Kracken. Have you experienced the Darth Vader implement yet? Any man would be over the moon with a tool that size, and I got well and truly mangled in the stirrups that day!
It's been a little quiet around here lately. I'm thinking you're busy running up and down staircases. Hope all's well, April.
I thought there couldn't possibly a part of this procedure that was fun - but that was until I read your write-up!
Hoping for the best for you.
Oh my Miss JJ, that does NOT sound fun in the least!! I hope to never see such an instrument (in the stirrups anyway)!
Miss Patsy, thank you for your kind words!! I hope to NEVER have that much fun again!
Mr. V., you are right it has been quiet. I think I will post something soon.
The things is, I just have to be in the mood. I am not a writer like all the rest of you. I just write stuff that pops in my head or that I just can't seem to let go of, it's therapeutic or cathartic in some ways.
Lately, I just haven't had the "get up and go" to "get up and write"! But I reckon you didn't ask for all that! So I will just say, I am here!! Thank you for checking!
LOL, OMG!!!
Love the post today - I needed the laugh.
If you want a laugh come see me today...I'm being interviewed over at Rhonda's place (link on my blog) and I'd love to see some friendly faces there...I hope you come, it's today and tomorrow...I believe today she's got a hot blurb of one of my books up and tomorrow is the actual interview...come show your pretty face sweetie - I'd love to see you there.
Big Hugs
Hawk
Well, you're here and still kicking, and that counts for something. Wise too, not to spout for the hell of it. Talking when there's nothing to say is the privilege of fools and politicians.
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