My trip to the Gyneologist

Or is that Gynographer?

Oh yes, I got it right. The man was either mining for diamonds or digging to China. As it were, I think he only succeeded in making me feel like he was removing my uterus through my belly button or there abouts.

***Shudder***

Ya see, I have had some lady part issues and decided it was time to go see the doc. Now normally,  I see a female doctor who is the size of a peanut. You may ask what difference her size makes, and I will emphatically tell you “a great deal!”

SIZE MATTERS!!!

Going to the “lady parts” doctor is uncomfortable at best and as previously noted, “uterus through belly button” agonizingly painful at worst. It is embarrassing, and frankly, just downright unpleasant.

If you don’t know or have never been, there is a portion of your visit where the doctor does a physical exam with their hands to “feel” and make sure your lady parts are where they should be. More often than not, I have found during this time, that they are actually trying reach my sternum through my nether regions. All of the docs I have seen, insist they do no such thing, but I beg to differ.

Okay, so you can probably deduce why size is a factor. The bigger the doc, the bigger the hands. Men, as rule, have bigger hands. In the boudoir,  fingers the size of sausages might result in a pleasant transaction between two consenting adults. When those fingers are used as tools, or rather in my case, instruments of doom, then…well….hopefully you can see the reasoning I have for preferring a female doc.

Not to mention, a female doc would NEVER tell another female that “your just gonna feel a little cramping and a pinch” because she KNOWS that the biopsy she is about to perform hurts only second in pain to a limb amputation without anesthesia. She KNOWS.

On the other hand (no pun intended), a male doctor asks if you have a low pain threshold. SAY WHAT?

How is it that HE is trying to DIG a miniature replica of the Panama Canal inside my lady parts and I have a LOW pain threshold? Me thinks not!

In any case, let’s hope for the best!

side note: my doc was actually very nice with an excellent bedside manner, but I would be remiss if I did not say I  wanted to rips his face off during my biopsy.

I am at work right now and just about getting ready to leave for the day. A minute ago I got up and put some paper in the printer and then stepped over to the window to look outside.

I am on the second floor of my building and my windows look out over the branches of tree and across the street to an open space with construction materials and buildings.

That open space used to be the hospital I was born in. They imploded several years ago, but I still remember it’s presence. There actually used to be a walkway over the street from the hospital to my office building.

Anyway, that isn’t why I started this.

I looked out the window and I noticed a man walking down the sidewalk. He was tall, thin and barely clothed. It is freezing outside. He was wearing jeans a shirt and a light tan jacket with a ball cap on his head, carrying an umbrella that look like it had seen better days. He himself appeared unkempt. He had a pronounced limp. Not the kind of limp you would associate with an accident, but more the kind of limp that would make you think of a handicap person. I don’t know what that means really. I guess he looked as if he had special needs? Is that the politically correct way to say it?

Again, not my point.

My point is that watching him made heart hurt. He made me want to cry. For all I know he  had been working at the construction site across the street and forgot his heavy coat. He was probably walking to his car that was parked in the parking garage to the left of my building. But I don’t think so. I am warm, I have a coat, a car, a home, and he was limping down the street in barely a thing to go where? To eat what? To get warm how?

UGGGHHHH……and life has me down?